


Lessons Learned

by sadsongssaysomuch



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Beads, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Angst, BDSM, Blindfolds, Blow Jobs, Bucky has issues, Collars, Desk Sex, Dom!Steve, Drunk Sex, Finger Sucking, Frottage, I'll add more tags as we go along, Light Bondage, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Restraints, Rimming, Spanking, Steve Has Issues, Steve likes being in control, Sub!Bucky, Teasing, Under-Desk Blow Jobs, gentle dom!Steve, just in case, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-13 12:46:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2151261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadsongssaysomuch/pseuds/sadsongssaysomuch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loosely inspired by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGmUIMvC1zQ">this video</a></p><p>Steve Rogers is a retired Army Captain from Brooklyn who now runs a private security firm. He’s a charismatic public speaker and an intensely private man. </p><p>His life runs on routine until he hires James Barnes, a reckless, conflicted man for his PR department. Steve takes an instant liking to him but struggles to help when Barnes’ careless ways begin to interfere with his job.</p><p>James Barnes is a man of secrets and he’s gotten good at hiding his traumatic past with his smart-ass attitude. When Steve approaches him about it, one thing leads to another and they end up having a drunken fling. </p><p>However, Steve has his secrets too...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Thing Leads To Another

Steve Rogers stared at the stack of folders in front of him. They each contained a résumé and background check and interview notes on the candidates he was considering for open position in the PR department. He’d already looked through these candidates before, helping his head of HR, Natasha, to narrow them down. She had conducted the first round of interviews, narrowing it down to four potentials. Now it was up to Steve to make the final decision.

He grabbed the last folder and flipped through the file in front of him. James Barnes. The second round of interviews was really just a formality. Of the four candidates, he’d been the clear favorite, based on his experience. Natasha’s notes said that Barnes had been full of charm when she’d interviewed him. Good, that was a quality he was looking for.

Star Spangled Security was Steve’s baby. After he’d retired from the Army, he’d gone into the private security business. It had taken a lot of hard work and dedication, but he’d built the company up from nothing into the high-level firm it was today.

His eyes flicked across Barnes’ résumé again. The man was an Army vet too. Another good quality. A lot of Steve’s other employees had served in one capacity or another. He looked at the mountain of paperwork on his desk and blew a slow stream of air between pursed lips. Glancing at his watch, he hit the intercom button.

“Sam, go ahead and send the last candidate in, please.”

He released the button and closed the file folder. He heard the sound of a knock against the heavy wooden door of his office.

“Come in,” Steve said, raising his voice to make sure he was heard.

The door opened slowly, revealing a well-dressed, dark haired man. A well-dressed, dark-haired, _attractive_ man. Upon seeing Steve, he smiled broadly.

Steve returned the smile, rising from his chair. “You must be James.” He held out his hand in greeting.

“I am. Pleased to meet you Mr. Rogers,” he said, accepting the handshake. His grip was firm, and his long fingers slid softly across Steve’s palm as the handshake ended.

“Please, call me Steve. Have a seat, James,” he gestured to the chairs on the opposite side of his desk as he took his seat again.

Barnes sat down, looking slightly nervous. He smoothed down his gray suit jacket and for a moment Steve was sure he was going to start playing with his tie.

“James, thank you for coming in today.”

“Thank you, Mr. R— Steve, for having me,” Barnes smiled easily, belying his obvious jitters.

Steve went into autopilot, asking the typical interview questions. He heard the important things, and Natasha was right, Barnes _was_ the best man for the job.

“So, James, tell me why you’d like to work for my company,” Steve asked.

Barnes’ face lit up. “Everyone knows this is a great company to work for. And I think I would be a great addition to your staff.”

Steve chuckled at his enthusiasm. “Oh, really? And why is that.”

Barnes licked his lips and launched into what sounded like a practiced speech. Steve watched Barnes’ animated expressions closely. He tried to pay attention, but it had been a long day and he knew he wouldn’t be leaving the office any time soon. And as hard as he tried to pay attention to what Barnes was saying, he couldn’t keep his eyes from focusing on the man’s mouth as he talked.

Silence. Barnes had stopped talking. Steve cleared his throat before speaking. “I’m sure Natasha went over our employee benefits, the insurance and medical plans?”

Barnes nodded.

“James, based on your resume and the things Natasha told me after her interview with you, I’d like to offer you the job.” Barnes beamed but before he could speak, Steve held up a hand, interrupting him. “There are a few conditions to your employment however,” he continued. “I know you haven’t been out of the Army long and I know what that can be like. One of the things I offer my employees is the means to make sure they’re healthy, in every way.”

“Right, you just said you offer an excellent medical plan.”

Steve nodded. “What I also offer, or more accurately, encourage, is that my employees, especially the ones that have served, take advantage of some sort of therapy. Whether you feel more comfortable talking to a private therapist or taking part in group therapy, that’s up to you. It’s not required,” he said, stressing the word. “But as I said, highly encouraged. That way I feel better about any stress the job might bring up. Does that make sense?”

Barnes licked his lips, a habit that Steve was beginning to find maddening. “Of course.”

Steve nodded. “Welcome to the company, James.” He offered the man another handshake and then immediately regretted it. As Barnes’ fingers grazed his palm again, he felt a warm flush shoot through his body.

“Thank you, Steve.” Barnes replied.

Steve stood, walking around from behind his desk. Smiling broadly, he put an arm around Barnes’s shoulder, walking him to the door. He meant it as a friendly gesture, but really it was an excuse to touch. Was it his imagination, or did the man flinch slightly as Steve’s hand settled on his left shoulder?

Steve opened the door, clapping Barnes on the right shoulder, purposely avoiding the left. “I’ll see you Monday morning, James. Check in with my assistant, Sam, on the way out. He’ll have some paperwork for you to fill out and bring in with you. Sam also runs a therapy group at the VA, so if you’re interested in that, just let him know.”

Barnes nodded. “Will do. Thank you again, Steve.”

Steve watched as his new employee walked down the hall, waiting until he had disappeared around the corner before shutting the door and returning to his desk.

He picked up the phone and dialed Natasha’s extension. She picked up on the first ring.

“Well, was I right?”

“Right about what?” Steve asked, caught off guard by her brusque question.

“James Barnes. He’s the man for the job, right?”

Oh, of course. “Right, you were right. In fact I offered him the job on the spot.”

“Did he accept?”

“He did. He starts Monday. I had Sam give him some paperwork on his way out, but you’ll need to meet with him on Monday to go over everything.”

“Oh good,” Natasha almost purred. “I won’t mind staring at that face again.” She followed up with a laugh and Steve wasn’t sure whether she was being serious or not.

“OK, anyway… I just wanted to bring you up to date,” he said before hanging up.

With a sigh he went back to the waiting stack of paperwork he had to sign and look over before going home for the day. He wasn’t about to tell Natasha how attractive he’d found the new hire. He didn’t think it was anyone’s business who he found attractive and the last thing he needed were rumors flying around the office that he’d hired Barnes because he was attractive. He didn’t intend to mix business with pleasure.

* * * *

Barnes proved to be a good choice for the position. He did his job well. However, his interaction with the other staff left much to be desired. While he did well with press releases and the like, he was charming and had an easy sense of grace, the longer Barnes worked for Star Spangled Security, the more rumblings Steve heard around the office about him.

Steve had been holed up in his office for the better part of three weeks, spending long hours trying to negotiate a large contract with a chain of department stores. When he got to the office Friday morning, he was ready to tackle more of the same.

“Morning, Sam,” he said, walking past his assistant’s desk.

“Morning, Cap,” Sam said. “I’ve got some new files for you for that contract negotiation,” he said, passing a stack of files to Steve.

Steve took the files with a nod. “Thanks.” He had nearly rounded the corner when he stopped, backing up a few steps. “Hey, Sam. You see James Barnes most days, don’t you?”

“Sure do, he’s hard to miss.”

Steve blinked in surprise. “I didn’t think you noticed things like that.”

Sam laughed. “No, I mean it’s hard to miss him prowling around the office. He’s like a tiger at the zoo sometimes, you know? Always on edge. I’m just waiting for the day he bites someone.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sam looked serious now. He looked around, making sure no one was within earshot. “It’s not my place to say, but I think he’s still dealing with some _stuff_. Plus he thinks he’s some kinda ladies man. Nearly half the secretaries he’s asked have gone out with him after work, and he’s still asking the half that turned him down the first time.”

 _He’s certainly working fast._ Steve nodded thoughtfully. “You ever see him in any of your support group meetings?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “He came once. Sat in the back with his jaw clenched the whole time and never said a word. He left before it was over. Didn’t even stay for the cookies!” Sam shook his head in disbelief. “Can’t believe he didn’t even stay for the cookies.”

Steve sighed. “Thanks, Sam.”

Depositing the files onto his desk Steve sat down. He ran a hand through his well-trimmed beard and then smoothed it self-consciously. He picked up the phone and called Natasha again.

“What’s up, boss man?” she quipped.

“Natasha, can you pull up Barnes’ file and tell me if he’s been seeing a private therapist?”

“Sure thing,” she hummed. Over the line, Steve heard her keyboard clacking. “OK, here we go. No, as far as I can tell, he’s not seeing any of the company covered therapists, or submitting claims from a provider we don’t cover.”

“Thanks, Natasha.”

“Need anything else?”

“No, that was all.” Steve hung up the phone. He knew the redhead was discreet, but that wouldn’t stop her from being curious.

He tried to put Barnes out of his head, and he succeeded just enough to get lost in his work. Sam brought him coffee around 10:30 but before Steve knew it he had worked through lunch and it was 2:30.

Steve looked at the papers in front of him with blurred eyes. Shit, between this contract and Barnes, he couldn’t think straight.

He broke for a late lunch, ducking out of the office and grabbing a sandwich from the deli across the street. When he’d finished eating he buzzed Sam. “Can you send Barnes to my office, please?”

 “Sure thing,” came Sam’s voice over the intercom. He didn’t ask why Steve hadn’t just called Barnes himself. Steve wasn’t sure himself, to be honest.

The knock at his door signaled Barnes’ arrival.

“Come in,” he said.

 “You wanted to talk to me, Mr. Rogers?”

Shit, Steve hadn’t seen him in awhile but the dark haired man looked even more attractive than the last time Steve remembered seeing him, if that was even possible. He shook his head slightly, trying to clear his thoughts. Steve liked his life to be uncomplicated and right now James Barnes was keeping that from happening.

“Steve, remember?” He reminded the man. “I do. I think there are some things we need to talk about.” He gestured for Barnes to take a seat.

“About what?” he asked over-defensively.

Steve glared at him.

“Sorry about that, Mr., er, Steve. What did you need to talk to me about?” His voice was even, but he crossed his arms over his chest petulantly.

“Word around the office is that your attitude lately is becoming a bit of problem. I’ve had complaints from some of the other people in your department.”

He could see the muscles working in Barnes’ jaw. He looked Steve in the eyes, challengingly. “Sorry, sir.”

Steve was done reminding him use his first name. “And your behavior with some of the female employees… it’s none of my business, but it seems to be the topic of conversation for the whole company. What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, sir. I guess I’m just not very focused lately.”

“Not very focused on work anyway,” Steve muttered.

Barnes heard him though, and the cocky grin slid off his face.

“Barnes… James,” Steve’s voice softened. “I’m familiar with your service record; I know you were wounded in action. I know it can’t be easy for you, after what you went through…”

Steve trailed off, resting a hand on Barnes’ shoulder. Barnes flinched, but he didn’t pull away.

“Listen, let’s go out, get out of the office and we’ll talk. Just you and me.”

“You want me to spill my secrets to my boss?”

 _You don’t know who I am or what I want_ , Steve thought. But he kept that to himself. “No, I want you to have a chat, with a friend. Can we do that?”

Barnes seemed to relax slightly. The cocky grin returned. “Sure, sure. We can do that. What did you have in mind?”

Steve watched as the other man licked his lips. He’d forgotten about that infuriating habit. “I know a bar down the street from here. I stop on my way home sometimes. We’ll head over there at five, sound good?”

“You’re actually leaving at five today? From what I hear, you’re always the last one in the office. Perks of being the boss, huh?”

“Sure, but it’s Friday and I think I can make an exception and leave on time today. Perks of being the boss,” he said, winking at Barnes.

Barnes shook his head, laughing slightly. “Okay, sure. I could use a drink anyway.”

* * * *

The intercom buzzed, starting Steve. “It’s five. Do you need anything else before I head out for the weekend?” Sam asked.

Shit, it was five already? “No, thanks. Have a good weekend, Sam.”

“You too,” came Sam’s reply. “Oh and James Barnes is waiting for you out here. He looks kinda lost, do you want me to send him back?”

“No, ah, tell him I’ll be right there.”

Steve put aside his paperwork and tidied up his desk so it would be ready for Monday morning. Shutting off his computer, he found his hands were sweating. He wiped them on the legs of his pants as he walked towards the door.

Barnes greeted him with a wide smile as he rounded the corner to Sam’s desk. Sam was already gone and Barnes was leaning against the desk, long legs crossed.

Steve swallowed. “Ready to go?”

They walked the block and a half, Barnes’ long legs keeping up with Steve’s strides. Pushing open the doors, Steve started to head towards the bar, and then stopped.

“Ah, should we grab a table? If we want to talk, it might be more private?” Shit, he was making it sound like had had brought Barnes out on a date.

Barnes just nodded and followed Steve to a table in the corner.

They sat opposite each other at the small table. A server came over and took their order, beers for both of them. She returned quickly and Steve waited until they’d each started in on their drinks before trying to get Barnes to talk to him.

But it’s Barnes who speaks first, setting his beer carefully on the coaster in front of him. “So, you’ve seen my service record?”

Steve nodded, setting his drink down as well. “It’s company procedure. I like to know where my employees served, there are a lot of vets in the company, believe it or not. I served too.”

Barnes laughed, his eyes dark. “Oh, I know. I knew it before I even applied with the company. Everyone knows. Focused, concerned. Everyone’s heard about your bravery when you served. Everyone knows Steve Rogers.”

Steve’s not sure how to take that comment, so instead he asks, “And what about you Barnes, what should I know about you?”

Barnes picked his beer up again, his long fingers toying with the label. He brought the bottle to his mouth and emptied it in several large swallows. He set it down and waved the server over for another round.

He started on his second beer before he opened up. And then he told Steve about his experiences, told him about the things that weren’t there in black and white in his service record.  He talked about struggling to keep his impulses under control, how it was easier to just act first and think about the consequences later.

Steve listened intently as Barnes talked, his eyes drawn to his expressive mouth. It was mesmerizing the way his lips curled around his words as he spoke or around the bottle as he drank. Steve found himself clenching his fists reflexively against the tabletop, struggling to remember that he was supposed to be here with Barnes as a friend. _We are_ not _on a date_ , he told himself. He probably doesn’t even like men.

As Barnes told the story of nearly losing his arm, an accident with a tank, he leaned against the wall, eyes half-closed. He spoke in flat tones, but Steve could see he was struggling to get the words out as he wiped the sweat from his upper lip.

He’d lost count of how many beers they’d had by then, but he was fairly sure that Barnes had more empties sitting in front of him than he did, however.  

Steve’s tongue felt heavy in his mouth as he searched his bleary brain for the right words. “I’m sorry, man,” he mumbled, even though he knows it doesn’t help. But it’s the thought that counts, right?

"It’s fine, I’m fine.” Barnes says, waving off his concern. But clearly he isn’t. “Look, thanks for inviting me out, for the beers, but talking about it doesn’t help, doesn’t change things. You know what it’s like, the things you see, the things you do… it changes you man.”

Steve frowned, completely unconvinced. He knew all too well what Barnes was talking about, but he also knew the man wasn’t fine.  He fixed his eyes on Barnes’, seeing the hurt and anger swimming in his eyes, then let his gaze falls to the table, not sure of how to respond. He looks up again when he speaks. ”What can I do to make this better?”

Barnes laughed, not a pleasant laugh, a short, angry bark. “I wish I knew. I just don’t want to be the guy who can’t handle the stress, the constant fuck-up. I mean look at me, not even on the job for a month and I’m drunk and whining to my boss.”

“No, it’s not like that,” Steve protested. “I invited you out so you could whine to me. I mean, you’re not whining , but—”

Barnes stood, wobbling slightly as he got to his feet. “I should just go. I’ll try and keep it together at the office. If I’m lucky you’ll be too drunk to remember most of this tomorrow morning,” he said, half joking.

Steve rose too. “Let’s get you a cab,” he said. He paid the tab, leaving a generous tip for the server while Barnes stood, mutely, waiting for him.

They stepped outside and the cool air helped to clear Steve’s head. It didn’t seem to do Barnes any good, he was too far gone for that.

It didn’t take long for a cab to stop. Steve opened the door and steered Barnes inside. Barnes slid over on the seat and looked at Steve expectantly. “Ya gonna share the cab with me, or what?” he asked, slurring his words ever so slightly.

Steve slid in beside Barnes and gave the cab driver the address to his apartment. He’d just have to come pick up his car tomorrow. Turning to Barnes he asked, “Where’s he dropping you?”

Barnes’ head was resting against the window and he mumbled something incoherent. Steve placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly. “What’s your address? James?” There was no response this time. “Fine, drop us both at the same address,” he instructed.

Around halfway through the forty-five minute drive Barnes seemed to snap awake, or at least become more aware of where he was. “Oh hey,” he said sounding slightly ashamed. He rubbed the back of his neck, straightening up. “I guess I zoned out there a little bit.” He licked his lips and even in the dim light in the backseat of the cab, Steve could see them glistening.

“No, you’re fine. I didn’t know your address and you were, well…” he trailed off, chuckling awkwardly. “I just gave him my address; you can crash on my couch.”

“Sure, thanks man. I appreciate it. I appreciate everything. You know, not many bosses would listen to an employee, talk to him, like you did with me tonight.” He worked at loosening his tie and unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt. “How much longer till we’re there?”

“’Bout twenty minutes,” Steve said, unable to tear his eyes away from Barnes’ hands near his neck.

The cab driver didn’t seem very familiar with the roads they were on as he sped too fast into a curve, causing Barnes to slide across his seat and very nearly end up in Steve’s lap. They both laughed as they tried to right themselves. Somehow, in the confusion, Barnes brushed his hand across Steve’s crotch causing Steve to hiss softly in surprise.

“Hey, sorry,” Barnes said.

But he didn’t look sorry at all and when his tongue came out to wet his lips again Steve bit back a groan.

Barnes could have moved back over, closer to the window where he started out, but he didn’t. He stayed right next to Steve, their shoulders pressed together. Between the alcohol and the blood rushing to his dick, Steve found he couldn’t think straight.

“Everything okay” Barnes asked, his hand resting on Steve’s thigh.

Don’t," Steve managed to bite out, staring at Barnes’ mouth. He made a low, rough sound when Barnes’ tongue darted out to wet his lips again. "You’re a tease.” Shit, had he said that out loud? He hadn’t meant to. He was probably just the right combination of drunk and horny to misread the situation completely.

"I wouldn’t be a tease if you’d do something about it," Barnes said. He was so quiet that if he hadn’t been sitting practically in Steve’s lap, his words would have gotten lost under the roar of the cab’s engine.

Shit, now Steve had the image of Barnes sitting in his lap stuck in his brain. He looked at Barnes to find that his eyes had gone dark.  Steve took that for the invitation it was and leaned forward to press his mouth to Barnes’. His breathing was shallow as he felt the plush texture of the other mans lips on his.

Barnes’ breath hitched when Steve bit down lightly. He parted his lips and allowed Steve to slide his tongue between them. There was no hesitancy from either of them as they deepened the kiss, and if the soft, eager noises coming from Barnes were any indication, he was enjoying it just as much as Steve was.

Before either of them realized, the cab had pulled up in front of Steve’s apartment building and the cabbie cleared his throat tactfully, letting them know they had arrived. When they broke apart, Barnes chased his mouth with a needy whimper causing Steve to lean back against the seat and exhale slowly.

He reached for his wallet and snuck a look at Barnes. He was flushed down to the collar of his shirt and the pupils of his deep-set eyes were so wide there was only the smallest ring of blue showing. And that mouth, _Christ_ , it looked even more enticing when it was red and kiss-swollen than it had before.

Not bothering to count it, Steve shoved a handful of bills at the cab driver. He practically pulled Barnes out of the cab with him, and towards the door, inside the building and across the lobby and into the elevator.

 "Steve," Barnes whined, trying to kiss him again. Steve stepped closer, pressing Barnes against the elevator wall. He had no desire to deny him, no reason to, so he leaned close and slotted their mouths together, swallowing all of Barnes’ groans and whimpers. There was a lewd sound that Steve committed to memory as he slid his thigh between Barnes’, causing the other man to grind against him eagerly.

The elevator ride was mercifully short and they only had a short distance to cross before they made it to Steve’s apartment. As he fumbled for his keys, the reality of the situation made him hesitate. He was about to take his still intoxicated employee into his apartment to… God, the things he wanted to do to Barnes. He finally unlocked the door, but stopped, doorknob in hand.

"You’ve done this before?" Steve breathed, because Barnes was being awfully casual about this.

Barnes looked at him, slicking his lips with his tongue in answer. He placed his hand over Steve’s and turned the knob.

Steve swallowed, biting his own lip as they stepped inside and shut the door behind them. He leaned back against the door. “I mean, you like men? And I know I’m your boss, but that doesn’t mean you have to feel obligated to…” he waved a hand, gesturing to himself.

Barnes laughed, a deep, throaty sound. “I like you,” he answered. And to prove his words he ground against Steve, eager and beautiful despite being shitfaced drunk.

“Don’t hold back, please.” Barnes said with an unashamed whimper.  He was so needy, yet Steve didn’t know how much of what Barnes was saying was the alcohol talking and how much of it was what he really wanted. Shit, it didn’t matter anyway. Steve shut out the thoughts and silenced them by kissing Barnes again, their lips fitting together perfectly.

Barnes had him pressed to the wall then, they couldn’t be bothered to make it any farther into the apartment. In the dark, the noises were amplified - the soft sound of buttons popping through buttonholes, the metallic rasp of zippers, the whisper of clothing being shed.

Barnes drug his teeth across Steve's lips again before they parted, both panting. With a hand lightly pressed to the back of his head, Steve drew him in for another kiss, this one slower, more meticulous. As far as Steve was concerned, it could go on for hours, but Barnes had other ideas.

He was hard beneath his boxers and he knew Barnes must be too. Still, he gasped when he felt Barnes nudging his legs apart. He kept his eyes locked on Barnes, as Barnes drug a hand slowly over the bulge in the front of Steve’s boxers.

Barnes sank to his knees with a mischievous smirk. He grasped Steve’s boxers at the sides of his hips and tugged them down, slowly revealing his dick. Steve’s body buzzed with anticipation, Barnes was so close, he could have pursed his lips and kissed the tip had he been so inclined.

When he felt Barnes’ warm breath ghost over the skin on his inner thighs he couldn’t help but clench them in response. He closed his eyes with a groan as he felt the first touch of Barnes’ greedy, wet tongue on his cock.

Steve wanted to take control; it would have been so easy. Something in Barnes’ needy eyes, his eager mouth, the fact that he’d gotten down on his knees so readily, was just asking for it. He wanted to take his head in both hands and fuck his mouth. But he didn’t, he held back, stilled his hips when he wanted to thrust harder.

He enjoyed it, how could he not, sloppy drunk as Barnes was, he was good at sucking cock. And then shit, was Barnes rutting against his leg? Steve clenched a fist against his thigh. Jesus, this man was testing him. _Holy shit._ But Steve knew, he knew he was dealing with someone that was pretty drunk and what he wanted to do, what he _really_ wanted was not something to start now. No it needed to be discussed when they were both sober and clearheaded.

And then, Steve was pulled out of his thoughts.

 _Aaah, fuck_. Barnes pulled his mouth back, lips dragging, and released Steve’s cock with an obscene wet pop. Barnes’ long slender fingers applied just the right amount of drag and pressure as he took his hands, using one to cup Steve’s balls and the other to grip him at the base of his cock, And then Barnes took that tongue, that perfect, pink tongue and licked a wide, flat stripe up the underside of Steve’s cock. Steve shuddered.

Then Steve _did_ reach for Barnes’ head, gripping his hair lightly. “Take it in. Take it all in.” He wasn’t giving commands, not now, _not yet_ , but the fact that he managed to keep his voice steady was a miracle.

And Barnes did it, he swallowed Steve’s cock in one gulp. Barnes had definitely done this before, and he was good at it. Barnes took the hand that had been gripping Steve’s cock and moved it downward, touching himself. Steve knew what he was doing, he knew and he didn’t care. If that was what he wanted, he wasn’t going to stop him.

He could feel the rough jerk of Barnes jacking himself off, timing his movements to match the speed he was sucking Steve’s cock. Steve pressed a hand lightly against Barnes’ dark, sweaty hair. “Yes,” he hissed. “That’s it, come for me James.”

Barnes moaned around his cock and Steve let himself go. “I’m gonna come,” he moaned in warning as he gave in to the orgasm he had been holding back. A wave of pleasure washed over him and he threw his head back, almost roaring as he came down Barnes’ throat. At the same time, Barnes tensed moaned around Steve’s cock as he came too, all over his hand and Steve’s leg.


	2. The Proposal

Steve woke to the sound of grumbled curses. _“Shit, fuck. Goddamnit!”_ He cracked an eye open to see James Barnes next to him on the bed. They must have ended up there at some point during the night, because they sure as hell hadn’t started out there.

Steve opened his eyes fully and turned to look at Barnes. He smiled, scrubbing a hand over his face. “G’morning,” he said softly.

Barnes scrambled upright, then groaned, slumping back down again, holding his head between is hands. “How much did I drink last night? Shit, I’m really sorry. I’ll go, I just… as soon as I find my pants.”

Steve laid an arm across Barnes’ chest. “Hold on. You don’t have to go. _Relax_.”

“Relax? I got drunk and went home with my boss and we… oh shit. I remember there was a blow job involved, what else did we do?” Barnes pulled his arm across his eyes, groaning.

Steve sat up, looking down at the man in his bed. His dark hair was tousled and his face was covered in stubble, but he was still just as good looking as ever. A smile swept across his face.

“Kissing, there was a lot of kissing. And yes, a blow job. You’ve got a talented mouth,” he said with a smirk.

Barnes peeked out from underneath the pillow. “Um, thanks.” he said sarcastically.

“No, _thank you_. Listen, I wasn’t _that_ drunk, I enjoyed what we did, but if you’d rather not talk about it, or forget it happened, whatever, I can call you a cab and I’ll see you at the office on Monday.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Barnes said, breaking a sigh of relief. “I still need my clothes though.”

Steve swung his legs over and got out of bed. “I’ll find them,” he said, following the trail of clothing back to the front door. He came back with a pile of clothing over each arm, one his, the other Barnes’.

Barnes was sitting up on the bed now, the blankets pulled across his lap. Steve tossed him his clothing, but made no move to get dressed himself.

“Are you just gonna stand there, naked and watch me get dressed or…?”

Steve chuckled. “Am I making you uncomfortable? You seemed to have no problem with my body last night.”

Barnes groaned. “It’s not that I have a problem with it right now either, I just don’t want to do anything else stupid." He slid his boxers under the blankets, wriggling into them before he pulled the blanket aside.

“Sure, I get it,” Steve said with a nod. He grabbed his bathrobe from the back of the bathroom door and slipped into it. “There. Any less distracting now?”

Barnes was struggling with the buttons on his shirt when he looked up at Steve, biting his lip. “Slightly.”

Steve called for a cab as Barnes finished dressing. “Maybe we can talk about this on Monday,” he said.

Barnes swiveled his head, to look at Steve. His eyes were bloodshot and filled with panic. “Shit, this is it, right? Come in Monday and clean out my desk?”

Steve drew back in surprise. “No. Why would you think that? No!”                             

“You’re going to let me keep working for you?”

“Of course. I told you, I won’t hold it against you. I’d just… if you’d be willing to drop by office on Monday, I’d like to talk to you under more ideal circumstances. You’re not in the right headspace right now to discuss anything. So just go home, relax and we’ll talk later.”

“Sure, OK,” Barnes said, looking less worried. “Monday then.”

Steve walked him to the door, watching from the doorway as Barnes waited for the elevator. He hoped things wouldn’t be awkward between them at work. Hopefully Barnes would be receptive to what he wanted to discuss with him on Monday.

* * * *

When Monday morning came, Steve hoped that Barnes would come and seek him out. He didn’t want to make things more awkward than they already were. If Barnes wanted to forget Friday night had ever happened, then Steve would respect his wishes.

He arrived at the office early; he was usually the first one there, but today he had beat everyone by a good half-hour. He made coffee, something Sam normally did and retreated to his office before the rest of the staff arrived.

Steve sat at his desk, sipping his coffee, tapping his fingers on the folder he’d brought from home. Soon it was after nine and he knew the rest of the office, just outside his door, would be going about business as usual.

By quarter of ten, he was beginning to think that Barnes wasn’t going to come and see him. He slid the folder into his top desk drawer and started working.

A little while later, his intercom buzzed. Looking up from the paperwork in front of him, Steve thumbed the button. “Yeah, Sam?”

“James Barnes is here to see you; he said you wanted to see him? I don’t have any appointments with him on your schedule. What do you want me to do?”

“Send him back,” Steve said simply. He leaned back in his chair, propping his feet on the edge of the desk. Caffeine and lust surged through his veins; he wanted to get up and pace the room, but he tamped it down, forced himself to sit still and keep a neutral expression on his face.

There was a short, perfunctory knock at the door and before Steve could call out permission to enter, Barnes flung the door open.

Steve looked at him pointedly. “You came.”

“I didn’t want to come right away, I didn’t want to seem too eager. All I could think about all weekend was what you could possibly want to say to me.”

Steve stroked his bearded chin. “Sit down, Barnes.”

Barnes sat. He looked at Steve, impatiently straightening his tie.

“Normally I wouldn’t have a conversation like this in my office. Then again, normally I wouldn’t get involved with someone who works for me, but I’m glad you came to see me,” Steve said finally. “I wanted to talk to you about what happened—what we did—on Friday.”

Barnes looked up, his eyes a bright shade of blue-gray. “I don’t regret it.”

“Good. I don’t either. I want you to know I didn’t take you out with the intention of getting you drunk and taking you home.”

“I know,” Barnes said, looking defeated. “That’s all on me. Do you remember,” he stopped, clearing his throat. “Do you remember what I told you?”

Steve nodded solemnly. “I do.”

“It’s so hard holding everything together. How do I stop being on edge all the time, how do I stop flinching at every sound… It’s so tiring keeping myself in check all the time when I’m in public, when I’m around people.”

“What about when you were with me?” Steve asked.

“I felt like with you, you understood. Maybe I could let my guard down…”

“Barnes, I like you. I like you a lot.”

Barnes nodded, swallowing thickly.

Steve continued. “I have a proposition for you.”

Barnes raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.

“I’m an easy going guy. But there are times when everyone needs to, let’s say, blow off steam. Do you understand?”

Barnes nodded.

“And the way I like to do that is, well it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.”

Barnes looked slightly alarmed. His eyebrow quirked again. “Well, ya gonna tell me what it is or what?”

Steve’s voice was low, controlled. “I like to be in charge. In the bedroom. And I like my partners to be submissive.”

Barnes blushed, his cheeks turning scarlet. He dipped his head, looking at the carpet.

Steve kept his voice steady. He reached out, grasping Barnes’ chin between his thumb and forefinger, bringing his face up, so that their eyes met.

“Right. So, how does that work? Like those books, what the heck were they called?”

Steve drew his hands back like they were on fire. “No, most definitely not. Wait, you read those?”

“Nah,” Barnes answered easily. “But I know a lot of women that did. So, what are you saying, you want to tie me up and spank me? Are you gonna punish me if I act out of line? If I have a bad day at the office?”

“No. No it’s not about punishment, not like that. It’s about control. It’s about you letting go and allowing me to be in control. That’s what I do.”

“What does that mean? You don’t want to spank me?” Bucky asked cockily.

“I never said I didn’t want to spank you.”

“Oh,” was all Barnes said. He took a moment, collecting his thoughts. “Is it supposed to be like therapy?”

“No,” Steve said emphatically. “In fact, I want you to continue going to therapy. Or start, if you haven’t already. What I’m proposing is just a way to find release.” He dropped his hand, keeping his eyes fixed on Barnes’. “I think it would be good for you James. Good for us.”

Barnes licked his lips. “I think I’d like that.” He smiled, almost shyly.

Steve returned the smile with a wide, infectious grin.

 “Alright," Barnes nodded. “Where do I sign up? Isn’t that how this works? We sign a contract or something?

Steve reached into the top desk drawers and drew out the folder he’d had with him all morning. “Look these over. I'm not setting any of the limits, you are. You tell me what you are and aren't comfortable with. I'm a dom, yes, but we won’t do anything that you’re not comfortable with. And if at any time you change your mind about what that means, you tell me and we'll revise this.”

Barnes took the folder, opening it to look over the paperwork.

“You don’t have to make a decision now. It’s probably better if you take some time and really think it through.”

“What about you, do you need to think it through, Steve?”

“I already know what I want. I’ve known it since the minute I met you.”

Barnes’ cocky grin returned.

“Why don’t you take with you, when you feel like you’re ready, let me know,” Steve said, leaning back and placing his hands behind his head.

Barnes stood, clutching the folder in his right hand. “I’m ready,” he said.

“You don’t know when to listen do you?” Steve straightened up in his chair, leaning forward to place his elbows on his desk. “Friday night, after work, come to my place at 7 o’clock, I’ll order Chinese, we’ll go over the contract and we _will_ take things slowly.”

“Like a date?”

Steve grinned. “I guess you could call it that.”

Barnes leaned over the desk, catching Steve’s lips with his. The kiss only lasted a second before Steve pulled back.

“Not at the office, understand?”

* * * *

Friday at seven, Barnes showed up right on time. He was carrying the folder Steve gave him Monday morning. It was a pleasant change to see him dressed casually, in a white Henley and jeans.

Steve welcomed him in. “Perfect timing. The food got here just before you.”

“I know, I passed the delivery guy on his way out.”

“I wasn’t sure what you liked. I should have asked. Sorry,” Steve said. “So I ordered a bunch of different stuff.” He stepped aside revealing a table full of food.

“That’s all for us? There’s not someone else coming, is there?”

Steve laughed, “No, just you and me. I don’t mind the leftovers.”

Steve wasted no time in filling a plate, sampling dishes from several different containers. Barnes placed a few items on his plate, watching as Steve began to eat.

Steve had nearly cleared his plate before he noticed that Barnes had only picked at his rice and taken a few bites of an eggroll.

“What’s wrong, don’t you like it? I can call and order a pizza or something, if you’d rather?”

“No, it’s not that… I’m just… too wound up to eat.”

Steve noticed he didn’t say nervous. “Wound up?”

“Yeah. Yeah, wound up. I don’t know what this is going to be like, but it excites me. I’m, hell I’m already half-hard just sitting here with you, trying to figure you out. You’re smiling, digging into your General Tsao’s and just I can’t tell what you’re thinking.”

Steve set down his chopsticks, wiped his mouth with a napkin and brushed his hands off. “Always so impatient. You’re ready to discuss the details then?”

Barnes nodded. He opened up the folder, passing the top sheet of paper over to Steve. “I did some research, so it’s good you’re not into a lot of that weird stuff.”

Steve scanned the paper Barnes had handed him. “Good, this all looks fine to me. You signed it already too." Steve found a pen and signed his name on the line below where Barnes had already signed. "So we’re agreed, we’ll use the stoplight colors—”

Barnes nodded. “I got it, red means stop, green means go.”

“And yellow means slow down,” Steve finished. “And I’m not going to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. And nothing that will make you bleed.” 

Barnes snorted. “Alright.” He nodded. “But I have one request, before we start. Something the contract didn’t cover.”

“What’s that?”

“Can you, I mean would you call me Bucky, Sir?” He ducked his head a bit, but Steve could see the sincerity in his eyes.

“Bucky?” he questioned.

Barnes nodded. “Please? My middle name’s Buchanan, Bucky was always kind of a special nickname. It would,” he paused, licking his lips. “It would make it _better_.”

Steve placed a hand on Barnes’, no, Bucky’s head. “ _Bucky_ ,” he said, trying out the name. “I like that.”

Bucky smiled a pleased, cat-like smile. “I like hearing you call me Bucky, Sir.”

Steve smiled, pleased to hear Bucky calling him sir.  “I bet you’d look good on your knees,” Steve said, catching Bucky by surprise.

“Huh?”

“Kneel, Bucky.”

Bucky did as he was told, kneeling on the carpet in front of Steve.

“Ah, you do know how to follow orders. Good boy,” Steve praised him. “So, tell me about yourself Bucky.”

“What’s to tell,” Bucky said, looking up with a shrug. “You’ve seen my background check, my service record, you already know. “

Steve shook his head. “No, that isn’t what I mean. If you won’t cooperate, you won’t be rewarded.”

“So you’re rewarding me now, not punishing me?”

“It’s not all about punishment Bucky. It’s about trust. You trusting me enough to take care of you.”

“I can take care of myself. I’m not… I don’t—” Barnes stuttered, color rising in his cheeks.

Steve’s voice was calm and even. “I’m not saying you can’t take care of yourself. You’re a very capable man. That isn’t what this is about.”

“Then what is it about?”

“About you. And me. About us.”

“There’s an us?”

Steve nodded. “Yes, that’s what the agreement you signed means. _Us_.”

Bucky’s shoulders sagged, but his back remained straight. “Us,” he said, trying out the word.

Steve smiled. “Now, tell me about yourself. Tell me the things that I don’t know from reading your service report, your background check.”

Barnes licked his lips. “And if I do I get _rewarded_?”

“That’s right. Let’s say, for everything you tell me I’ll help you remove a piece of clothing. Every real fact, mind you. None of your bullshit answers. I don’t meant things like your favorite flavor of bubblegum.”

Steve could tell Bucky held back a laugh at his bubblegum comment. He looked up at Steve. “I was fifteen the first time I messed around with a girl,” he said boldly.

Steve let his hands skim Bucky’s sides, grasping at the hem of his shirt. He tugged it upwards, pulling it over Bucky’s head. He took note of the way Bucky flinched when his hands brushed Bucky’s scarred shoulder. “Keep going,” he encouraged as he took a step back.

“I was fifteen the first time I messed around with a guy too.”

Steve knew Bucky was hoping for a reaction, but he wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. It wasn’t a total surprise after all, not with the way he’d sucked him off last weekend. Steve simply bent low, his hands expertly undoing Bucky’s belt. He slid it slowly through the belt loops, tossing it aside.

“Hey,” Bucky said, half whining.

Steve shook his head. “I told you, we’re taking this slowly. You’re too anxious for your own good.”

Bucky clamped his mouth shut, biting back an angry response. He collected himself and then said, “I had a girlfriend who spanked me once.”

Steve gently pushed Bucky to a sitting position and removed both his shoes. He scanned Bucky’s face, waiting for another outburst. When none came, Steve peeled off Bucky’s socks as well and then prodded him back to his knees.

“I liked it, when she spanked me,” Bucky said. He swallowed, once, twice. “She only did it once, I think it was supposed to be a joke. But I came so fast when she did, she never mentioned it or wanted to try it again.”

Bucky trembled slightly as Steve undid the button on his jeans and tugged zipper down. Steve kept his eyes locked on Bucky’s as he pushed the soft denim down off Bucky’s hipbones. They pooled around Bucky’s knees, revealing his boxers. Through the gray fabric, Steve could see that Bucky was more than just half-hard now.

“I told you I didn’t regret what happened last weekend. That wasn’t entirely the truth,” Bucky said, his voice quiet.

Steve waited.

“I regret that I didn’t get to feel your hands on me.”

“Good, that was good, Bucky,” Steve said. He bent again, this time pulling the elastic waistband of Bucky’s boxers down over his hips. When he did, Bucky’s cock sprang free, brushing against his stomach, making Bucky gasp softly.

Bucky knelt before him, totally naked now. Steve couldn’t help but smile. Bucky was so eager, so beautiful. His cock had been hard since they had started and Steve had barely even touched him.

“Now what?” Bucky asked, his eyes daring Steve to do something, to show him what he had planned.

“Now, I think it’s time for the bed.”

Bucky’s shoulder’s sagged with relief. “About fucking time,” he said.

Steve helped Bucky to his feet, holding his arm while he stepped out of his pants. “Oh, just wait. You have no idea.”

He led Bucky to the bedroom. “Lie down,” he ordered, pointing to the neatly made bed. When Bucky had complied, lying on his back on the bed, Steve reached into the drawer of the table beside the bed.

He brought out a pair of soft restraints, dangling them off a finger.

 Bucky’s eyebrows shot up, his eyes widening.

“Remember, anything you’re not comfortable with, you say the word and it stops,” Steve reminded him gently.

“No, it’s okay,” Bucky said. “ _Green_.”

Steve fastened the soft cuffs around Bucky’s wrists, speaking softly as he fastened them to the bedposts. "Do you know what'll happen? If you stop fighting and let me worry about what’s going to happen?"  
  
Bucky stilled and cocked his head. "You know, I'm not sure I do."

"Shall we find out?"  
  
Bucky nodded, pressing his hips into the mattress.  
  
“Maybe we should start with self control. Something you don’t seem to have a lot of. Do you think you can keep still?”

Bucky bit his bottom lip, teeth pressing into the soft flesh. “Of course.”

“What do you think would happen if I took my time, slowly kissing every inch of your skin?” Steve said teasingly.

 "You wouldn't," Bucky said confidently.  
  
"Oh no?" Steve caught his gaze and held it as he crawled backwards. "I think I would." He bent over Bucky's body, kissing the hollow between Bucky's groin and thigh. Bucky squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled sharply.  
  
"Right here," Steve breathed, kissing the patch of skin he'd selected. He pressed his to Bucky's hip, purposely avoiding his cock.  
  
"Please—" Bucky said, his eyes falling shut.  
  
"Please, what?” Steve asked, pulling away.

Bucky took a deep breath. “Please don’t stop.”  
  
Steve smiled. "I’m just having a little fun. Don't worry," he said in a reassuring tone.  
  
Steve leaned down, peppering kisses across Bucky’s torso, gently mouthing the scars near his shoulder. Bucky shuddered, but didn’t ask Steve to stop or slow down. He moved across Bucky’s chest, letting his beard brush Bucky’s soft skin, enjoying the way it reddened. He paused to pay close attention to his nipples. He let his tongue drag over the swollen buds making Bucky writhe beneath him.

"Fun, _fuuuuck_..." His voice caught on the word. "Steve— Sir, I need..."

"It's all right," Steve said gently. "I’m going to take care of you."  
  
Bucky swallowed and looked down at his body, watching nervously as Steve's fingers hovered near his slick, straining cock.  
  
Steve smiled and kissed Bucky's stomach. "See? I told you we'd have fun,” he said, taking Bucky's cock in his hand, pressing his thumb against the sensitive tip. For a moment he didn't do anything else, just rubbed his thumb in slow circles. Bucky's hips jerked in response. "Do I need to tie your legs too?" he asked. "Or can you stay still?"  
  
Bucky shook his head.

“Good,” Steve said. "Be still, remember? I don't want to hurt you."  
  
Bucky nodded and bit his lip. “It’s just… _fuck_ ,” he breathed. “You’re still dressed, don’t you wanna…”

Steve climbed off the bed and went through the motions of undressing. He kept his eyes on Bucky, watching his chest rise and fall as he unbuttoned his shirt. He stripped slowly, teasingly knowing that every second that passed was torture for Bucky. When Steve was down to just his boxers, he stopped, palming his erect cock through the soft cotton. Bucky groaned and let his head drop to the pillows, his eyes clenching shut. His arms flexed, testing the restraints, clearly wanting to touch Steve.

Steve rejoined Bucky on the bed, waiting until Bucky slowly opened his eyes. Bucky's mouth fell open slightly as Steve leaned forward, and brushed his cock against Bucky's.

"Do you have any idea?” Steve whispered as he trailed his fingers up the underside of Bucky's cock. "How good you look like this?"

He didn’t expect Bucky to answer, he just wanted him to hear it. The sound of Bucky’s whimpers were all the encouragement he needed and Steve was more than happy to lose himself in kissing Bucky's neck, and stroking Bucky's cock, and rubbing up against him until they were both breathing hard.

Bucky’s back curved in unmistakable eagerness. Steve could tell Bucky was enjoying this, God knows he was too. 

“You like that?” Steve asked, his voice husky. His fingers trailed, lightly teasing, down Bucky’s thighs. “I think you were starting to enjoy that.”

 “Nnnggh,” Bucky said with effort. Incoherent pleas fell from his lips as he strained against his bonds.

“Maybe I should try something else,” Steve challenged, bracing his hands on Bucky’s hips. “But you’re supposed to be keeping still,” he said firmly. He held his hands still, keeping Bucky’s hips from moving. Waiting.

He watched Bucky’s eyes go wide as he lowered his mouth, as he realized what Steve was going to do. “Still,” Steve whispered, letting his breath ghost across the head of Bucky’s dripping cock.

“Oh fuck...fuck, fuck, fuck...” Bucky babbled. “Yes... please... please don't stop... please. Sir… do something, anything. Touch me, fuck me, I don’t care!”

Steve arched an eyebrow at Bucky’s words. “In good time, all in good time.”

Bucky sighed desperately. “Sir, please, please suck my cock. Please…”

Steve bent his head down, his tongue dragging up the length of Bucky’ shaft.

Bucky groaned loudly, beyond caring.

“You’ve been so good, it’s worth the wait, isn’t it?” Steve asked before he obliged Bucky, sliding his mouth down the entire length of his cock. He held it there for a moment, not moving, reveling in the way Bucky’s body was responding. When Bucky arched his hips upward, he pulled back slightly, pushing Bucky's hips back down to the bed, holding them still again.

Steve leaned down to lick and nibble at Bucky's balls. “I know,” he said, placing kisses along Bucky's thighs, kissing his way back towards his cock.

Steve listened to Bucky’s groans as his mouth worked its way back up, kissing the length of Bucky’s cock, around the head. He pressed Bucky down into the mattress as he swallowed his cock again, not letting Bucky thrust, not letting him move.

Bucky whined and jerked at the headboard, pulling against his restraints as Steve took him in as deeply as he could. Steve knew what Bucky wanted, but all he could do was lay there and take it.

Steve heard a growl of frustration from Bucky and he would have laughed if he could have. He knew how hard Bucky was trying, how much he was holding back.

Steve slid his tongue along the underside of Bucky’s cock as he released him from his mouth.

“I want… I need,” Bucky pleaded. “I’ll do anything. _Anything_. Please just let me come.” His words continued, a steady stream of breathless begging. He clenched his eyes closed, breath coming in heaving pants.

Steve moved to straddle Bucky’s hips. Bucky’s cock was twitching, begging to be touched. Steve was ready now, ready to let Bucky come. He wrapped a hand around Bucky’s cock, still slick and warm and started to stroke him. He used a firm, steady motion. No more teasing. “Buck, Bucky… open your eyes sweetheart,” Steve prompted him.

Bucky’s eyes opened, his pupils widened with lust. His tongue darted out between his lips, searching, desperate. Steve brought his free hand to Bucky’s mouth, skimming two fingers along his lips. Bucky took them in readily, wetting them thoroughly, circling them with his willing tongue.

 “Okay,” Steve said. “Okay, Bucky. You can—”

Bucky gasped, his entire body going tight, his orgasm hitting him before Steve even finished the sentence. His back arched and he cried around Steve’s fingers, breaking off into incoherent babbling.

Steve kept stroking Bucky’s cock as it swelled deliciously. Come splashed across Bucky’s stomach and hip, striping wetly over Steve’s hand and his spent cock.

Releasing Bucky’s spent cock, Steve brought his hand to his mouth, licking it clean. He pulled his fingers from Bucky’s mouth, stroking them across his cheek as Bucky’s breathing began to even out.

“You were so good, Bucky. Such a good boy,” Steve said, climbing off the bed to release Bucky's arms. Bucky sagged limply against the pillows as Steve gently rolled him onto his side. He slid in behind him, lightly rubbing Bucky’s shoulders, planting small kisses on the back of his neck.

"Talk to me, Bucky.”

Bucky didn’t reply for a long moment.  "What do you want me to say?" he asked hoarsely.

Steve shrugged. "Anything."

"I liked that."

"Mmm?" Steve hummed, smiling against Bucky’s shoulder.

"Really."

Steve snuggled closer to Bucky, sliding his cotton-clad erection along the curve of Bucky’s ass. “Let me hold you for awhile and then I’ll get us cleaned up, okay?”

“Hey, “ Bucky said, turning his head to look over his shoulder at Steve. “You haven't come yet.”

Steve laughed. “Don’t worry Bucky, we have all weekend ahead of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning to try & update this about once a week. I know it hasn't been a week yet, but since I'll be busy this weekend, you get a new chapter early :)
> 
> As always, if there is anything that I missed in the tags that you feel should be noted, please let me know & I'll be happy to add it.


	3. Just Because I’m A Gentleman Doesn’t Mean I Won’t Spank You

They stayed like that, spooned together on the bed for a long while. As much as Steve enjoyed having Bucky at his mercy, he was enjoying holding the dark-haired man in his arms, their bodies fitting perfectly together.

He had just started thinking that Bucky had fallen asleep, when he shifted, lifting his head from Steve’s arm. “Hey, Steve.”

“Yeah, Bucky?”

Bucky smiled and stretched, looking more cat-like than ever. “Have I told you how much I like hearing you call me Bucky?”

Steve pressed a hot, open-mouthed kiss to Bucky’s shoulder. “Good. I like it too.” He kept kissing Bucky’s shoulder and neck, his lips gently skating over Bucky’s scars.

“You’re the first person I haven’t minded touching me there,” Bucky said quietly.

Steve smiled against Bucky’s skin. “You want to go pick at some of those leftovers?”

Bucky laughed, his body shaking against Steve’s chest. “You’ve got your arms wrapped around me and you’re thinking about food? No wonder you’re so big.”

Steve laughed now. “I was thinking of you. You barely ate earlier. You’ll need to keep your energy up.”

Bucky squirmed at Steve’s words.

“Besides,” Steve continued. “I wasn’t always this big. I used to be pretty scrawny.”

“Really?” Bucky asked, sitting up and stretching his arms over his head. “What happened?”

Steve nodded. “I finally grew, I guess. Then I joined the army and…” He shrugged and sat up, swinging his legs out of bed.

They sat in the kitchen, eating cold Chinese food together. This time Bucky ate almost as much as Steve did. Whether it was because he was hungry from not eating much before or because he wanted to keep his energy up as Steve suggested, it was hard to guess.

“Steve, how’d you get into this,” Bucky asked suddenly, around a mouthful of food.

“Into what, eating Chinese food in the middle of the night? While in my underwear with a hot guy?” Steve joked.

Bucky swallowed, shaking his head. “No, I mean, what made you want to be a Dom.”

Steve screwed up his mouth in thought. “Remember when I said I wasn’t always this size?”

“Yeah?”

“I was a scrawny little thing, I got picked on a lot, got in a lot of fights. Some days I think it’s a miracle that I ever lived long enough to get bigger.” He stopped, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. “I never knew my dad… I lost my mom when I was pretty young.”

“I’m sorry,” Bucky mumbled. “You don’t have to…”

“No,” Steve waved him off. “I should talk about it. You should hear it. I was an angry kid for a long time. Because I never had any control over anything in my life. When I joined the Army, I guess I thought it would help, give me a sense of direction.”

Bucky nodded knowingly.

“All it did was leave me feeling less in control than before. That was when I met… well, their name isn’t important, but I met someone who was already an established Sub. I fell for her and she thought it would be good for me, to learn to keep my anger under control, the feeling that I was helpless to do anything about anything. It wasn’t something I went looking for, you understand?”

Bucky snaked a hand across the table, between the white takeout boxes. His fingers found Steve’s and twined between them. “Like the way you found me?”

Steve squeezed Bucky’s hand. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“So, that’s what you like about it, the control? Not the stuff like, the blindfolds and whips and handcuffs?”

“I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy restraints, or spanking, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get off without that stuff. I’m not a whipping kind of guy. If I’m going to spank, I prefer to use my hands. It’s more _intimate_ that way.”

Bucky flushed at the emphasis on intimate. “So you like it because you get to be in charge, but you have to listen to me, to what I want too?”

 “Like we talked about, I won’t force you to do anything you can’t. Not if you tell me, that’s why you need to remember to use the safe words if you ever want me to slow down or stop.”

Bucky smiled, satisfied with Steve’s answer. “Can I ask, what happened to her, your first Sub?”

“We parted ways. She wanted things from me that I couldn’t give her and I guess we weren’t as compatible as she thought we would be,” Steve said with an air of sadness.

“You’ve got me now,” Bucky said, squeezing Steve’s hand again.

“I do. And you’ve got me. You’re mine now Bucky, but if you ever want to leave, you leave. If you think you've learned enough or you think I'm an asshole, or you change your mind about any this stuff, you tell me we're done and it's over.”

Bucky was quiet for a moment, contemplative. “And what if you decide you're done with me, before I feel like we're done?”

“I want to help you Bucky, I do. I'll see this through to whatever resolution you want. I'm with you till the end of the line.”

Bucky seemed to accept that answer, to believe Steve’s words. When they’d finished, and cleaned up the kitchen, Steve drew Bucky into his arms. He ran his fingers through his thick, dark hair.

Bucky grabbed Steve’s hips, his fingers dipping into the waist of Steve’s boxers. “You ever going to take these off?”

“You’re just dying to get me into bed again, aren’t you?” Steve smiled and gently moved Bucky’s hands away.

“Well, you told me to be patient, but I can’t help it. I want to see you come too.”

“Oh?” Steve arched an eyebrow. “Do you now? And how do you think we should make that happen?”

“You’re just teasing me now, aren’t you?” Bucky asked, his lower lip protruding in an exaggerated pout.

Steve ran his thumb across Bucky’s full lower lip. “And if I were? You wouldn’t be able to do a thing about it.”

Color bloomed in Bucky’s cheeks, the blush creeping down his neck towards his chest. He reached again for Steve’s boxers, quickly yanking them down. He pulled them far enough that they slid over Steve’s ass and down towards the floor.

“Such a greedy boy. You know what happens to greedy boys, Bucky?”

“Nope,” Bucky said insolently, popping his lips around the word.

“They get spanked, Bucky.” Steve said, taking Bucky by the shoulders and guiding him in the direction of the bed. "On the bed," Steve growled. “This time, no talking. I don’t want to hear a sound from you unless you have permission first.”

Bucky looked like he wanted to argue, but only for a second. He obediently climbed onto the bed, kneeling there.

Steve studied him for a long minute. Silently, he joined Bucky on the bed, kneeling behind him. Placing his hands on Bucky’s hips, Steve nudged Bucky’s ass with his cock. He’d held out, held back before. But Steve was only human, as much fun as it had been to see Bucky come apart and come all over, Steve wanted a release too.

Bucky moved his hips, spreading his legs a little, a subtle invitation.

Steve knew that Bucky was willing, but he wasn’t ready to fuck him, not yet anyway. He placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, steering him to his hands and knees. “That’s it, bend over. You know what’s coming.” He ran his hand from Bucky’s shoulder to grip his waist, using his other hand to smooth over Bucky’s ass, feeling his solid muscles.

Steve started with a soft slap against Bucky’s ass; he knew it must have stung because Bucky gasped, unused to the sensation. He moved his hand to the right side, delivering another light smack. Skating his fingers back across Bucky’s ass, Steve brought his hand down on Bucky’s left cheek, earning a sharp intake of breath from Bucky.

There was no denying how beautiful Bucky was like this. Tremors of anticipation rippled across his body as Steve rubbed his palm over the handprints already blossoming on his pale skin. “You’re doing good, Buck,” he said before he brought his hand down again. The next hit came quick, the one after it quicker. Three slaps in quick succession.

Bucky clenched his fists against the sheets, waiting for the next hit. He looked back over his shoulder, teeth digging into his bottom lip just as Steve’s hand smacked the curve where his thigh met his ass, hard enough to bring tears to Bucky’s eyes.

“Stop trying to anticipate,” Steve said, his hand rubbing the aroused skin. “Trust me and let go.” He said, dispatching a slap that resounded through the room with a loud crack. “You know what to say if you need me to stop, right?” he asked softly.

Bucky nodded.

Steve continued spanking him, reveling in the intimate feel of his palm against Bucky’s ass. As he alternated between soft taps and harder smacks, Bucky’s hips picked up the rhythm, pushing up into his hand as it came down.

Steve stopped, listening to Bucky’s harshly panting breaths. He took his hand away from the curve of Bucky’s ass, sliding it around to find his cock. Bucky was hard as a rock and slick with pre-come.

"Spread your legs." Steve said,. His voice was barely above a whisper but Bucky obeyed instantly, spreading them as wide as he could with Steve kneeling behind him.

He rubbed his palms against the overlapping handprints covering Bucky’s abused cheeks. Bucky opened his mouth and Steve could tell that Bucky wanted to protest, wanted to ask why he had stopped. However, Steve shook his head and tapped his fingers to the underside of Bucky’s jaw, reminding him. Bucky took the hint and clenched his jaw, letting the hard lines of his body speak for him.

Steve laughed. “And here I thought you weren’t going to be defiant anymore.”  Steve studied him for a moment, and then shifted so that he was kneeling between Bucky's spread ankles. Taking one warm cheek in each hand, he bent, pressing kisses to the soft flesh. His lips were gentle and soft as they followed the outlines of his handprints.

Steve snapped his tongue out, lightly grazing the reddest areas. He took pleasure in the exquisite torture it must be for Bucky. His ears filled with the sound of Bucky’s breathless moans and soft sighs. He kept at it long enough for Bucky to relax, loosening his grasp on the bed below them. When he knew Bucky was least expecting it, he leaned forward and buried his face in Bucky's ass with no warning.

Bucky gasped, his entire body going tight at the unexpected contact. 

“See,” Steve said, pulling back as he spoke. “Not so defiant now, are you?” He palmed Bucky's ass cheeks again, pushing them apart, nudging in close.

Bucky made a strangled sound, sighing in delight.

Steve licked again, pushing his face in closer, flicking the tip of his tongue back and forth over Bucky's puckered hole, eliciting more groans. He prodded at it with the tip of his tongue, then teased it open with quick, barely-there flicks, finally worming his way in deeper as the muscle loosened. 

Steve didn't let up as he continued lapping at Bucky’s ass, keeping him spread open with strong hands. He could feel Bucky grasping the edge of the mattress, scrambling for leverage every time Steve dipped his tongue inside Bucky’s loosening hole.

Steve released one of Bucky’s cheeks, reaching around to stroke Bucky’s cock. He couldn’t see it but he knew it would be red, straining towards Bucky’s stomach. His fingers brushed against the sensitive underside and Bucky moaned, thrusting into Steve’s hand.

Steve hummed, feeling Bucky shake with need. He kept his tongue moving, every sweep bringing Bucky closer to coming undone. Reluctantly, he pulled his face away, licking his way up Bucky’s back as he repositioned himself. Steve moved his hand from Bucky’s cock, palming his own erection. He had been patient long enough.

He groaned and threaded his fingers through Bucky’s hair, his other hand finding Bucky’s hip, holding him in place. Steve lined his cock up between Bucky’s legs. He thrust forward, feeling his cock slide along Bucky’s spit slick crevice.

Bucky matched Steve’s thrust, wanting and needing. But Steve stilled, keeping his heavy cock nestled against Bucky’s ass.

They stayed like that for a long moment, the room filled with the harsh sound of Bucky’s breathing, erratic and urgent, unlike Steve’s deep, even breathing. “Let me hear you now, Buck, I want to hear you nice and loud now,” Steve urged.

Bucky’s entire body was a mess of need, but he couldn’t get enough to tip him over. He exhaled, groaning loudly. “I want you,” he said, his voice rough.

“You’ve got me,” Steve promised. “What else do you want?” His hand wandered from Bucky’s hip lower, lightly stroking Bucky’s cock. “This?”

“Please, please fuck me,” Bucky said, his voice high and tight as he begged Steve. “I want your cock inside of me.”

“Shhh, I know you do,” Steve said, moving so that his cock gently rubbed against Bucky. “I do too,” he groaned. “But not now, you’re not ready yet. Taking this slowly, remember?”

Bucky groaned in frustration, and Steve didn’t think he could get any redder, but he did, his face flushing hot with anger, with need. But Steve was in control, holding him in place.

“Told you we were taking this slow, Bucky,” he whispered against Bucky’s neck, leaning his chest against Bucky’s sweat covered back.

Bucky’s breaths were coming in shallow gasps, and Steve’s cock was painfully, achingly hard. Knowing that he could fuck Bucky right now if he wanted to sent sparks of pleasure through him, a rush that he wanted to get lost in. He wanted to give himself over, get swept up in it, but he wouldn’t. He’d learned to reign himself in, learned to hold back. But Bucky’s body has reacted so beautifully, reaching toward Steve, demanding, needing more.

Steve rocked his hips slowly, stroking his cock against Bucky’s ass. He knew they were both close. The pressure that had been building in him all night was almost unbearable. The heat pooling in his stomach was telling him that he needed to come soon because otherwise he just might fucking explode.

Steve drew his hand back from Bucky’s hip, bringing it down soundly on Bucky’s ass. “Yes, yes,” he chanted, bringing his hand down across Bucky’s ass repeatedly.

“Shit, Sir. Fuck, yeah… m’so close, m’right there, please… just…” Bucky whined. He twisted, trying to find a way to touch himself, to spur Steve into touching him.

Steve’s hand contracted around a handful of Bucky’s dark hair, sending small tremors through Bucky’s body. He thrust his hips, hoping that Steve would take pity on him, loosen his grip, stroke him again, but the touch never came. Steve’s hand stayed firmly in his hair, his grip restricting.

“God, yes Bucky, you’re such a good boy,” Steve shouted, as his hips stuttered, pistoning erratically. One, two, three more thrusts and he came in hot spurts, painting Bucky’s ass and thighs with come.

Steve’s body buckled, coming to rest against Bucky’s.

Bucky cried out harshly, coming across the bed, completely untouched, cock jerking against his stomach.

They both collapsed together, bodies slick and sticky. They lay face to face in the middle of the bed. Steve ran his hand over Bucky’s hair, smoothing it back, trailing down his back. “That was great, you did fantastic, Bucky. You took it so well.”

Bucky drew a shuddery breath, breathing in through his mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut, but not before a lone tear worked it’s to the corner of his eye.

“Shh, it’s OK Bucky, you’re safe. We’re done. It’s okay,” Steve soothed him.

“No, I know,” Bucky whispered. “I just, I surprised myself I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would,” Bucky marveled.

Steve cupped Bucky’s face in his hand. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“It did hurt, don’t get me wrong. But I kinda liked it.”

“Only kind of?” Steve asked, his curiosity piqued.

“Alright,” Bucky admitted.  “More than kind of. I liked it a whole- _fucking_ -lot.”

 Steve grinned as he rose from the bed, taking a moment to steady his shaky legs.

“Where are you going?” Bucky asked, looking alarmed

“I’ll be right back. I promise.”

Steve returned with a bottle of orange juice. “Here,” he said, helping Bucky sit up. “Drink.”

“You’re so good to me, Steve,” Bucky said quietly.

Steve shook his head. “It’s part of my job to take care of you, after.”

Bucky nodded, sipping at the juice.

"You're sure you’re not too sore? You know if it’s too much you just have to say the word," Steve said

Bucky nodded again, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve kissed his hair lightly. “Let’s go take a shower. We’re both a mess.”

Bucky compliantly followed Steve into the bathroom. He sat on the closed toilet seat while Steve started the shower.

Steve leaned over, adjusting the temperature and nozzles. Soon steam billowed out from the opaque, white curtain.

“C’mon, Bucky, it’s nice and warm.”

Steve stepped into the shower and held out a hand for Bucky. He looked at him hesitantly before taking his hand and stepping into the warm jets of water.

A languid smile came to Bucky’s face as he looked at Steve, water streaming over both of them.  Steve scrubbed his face under the warm stream of water before he gently turned Bucky around by the shoulders. "Alright, come on, I'll wash your hair." He picked up the shampoo bottle and squirted some into his hands before smoothing it into Bucky’s dark hair. He let his fingers work up a lather. Bucky moaned as Steve’s fingers dug into his scalp.

 When he was sufficiently shampooed, Steve led Bucky under the water. “Close your eyes so I can rinse it out,” he said. When Bucky’s hair was rinsed, Steve handed him the bottle of shampoo. He bent slightly, so Bucky could reach his head. “Now you do me.”

“Is this good?” Bucky asked. His long fingers felt amazing on Steve’s head and he let him know. “You’re an angel, Bucky.”

When Steve’s hair rinsed clean, he reached for the bar of soap, and gently began rubbing the bar across Bucky’s chest and arms. He soaped up Bucky’s entire body, feeling the slick, lean muscles under his soapy hands. He paid close attention to the places he had hit Bucky, sliding soap slick hands carefully across his tender skin.

“Alright, your turn," he finally said, handing over the soap. Bucky washed Steve slowly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. He started at Steve’s chest, working his way down. Bucky’s lips arched into an impish smile as he ran the soap back up Steve’s body again. His fingers bit into Steve’s forearms, tugging him into a messy, open-mouthed kiss.

Steve let Bucky kiss him, Bucky’s tongue sweeping across Steve’s lips and tongue. When Bucky began to moan against Steve’s mouth, Steve pulled back. Bucky’s cock was hard again, soapy and jutting from between his legs.

“You’re incorrigible, Bucky. And irresistible. But not now. Save it,” he said, kissing Bucky’s temple. “I’m tired out.”

* * * *

Steve sent Bucky home on Sunday morning, both of them pleasantly worn out. He knew they’d both be a mess at work on Monday if Bucky stayed the entire weekend. It was a strange feeling, one Steve wasn’t used to, to watch Bucky leave and miss him when he was gone. Ever since things had ended with his first Sub, he’d been very cautious about getting into a relationship. He hadn’t let himself get too attached to anyone, man or woman.

That wasn’t to say he hadn’t had other partners, hadn’t had other Subs, he just hadn’t been looking for anything serious, anything long term. But Bucky was making him rethink that.

Weekdays were slow, almost boring without the prospect of Bucky in his bed later that night. It wasn’t the same seeing each other at the office. Steve had made it clear that at work their relationship could be nothing but professional. They texted each other, though, a lot.

Sometimes it was something as mundane as asking about actual work, or if they could grab lunch together. Other times Steve texted Bucky long, detailed descriptions, an agonizingly slow build of teasing and foreplay that he knew would keep Bucky on edge for _hours_.

* * * *

On Friday morning, Sam was out sick, so Steve had a temp covering the desk as his assistant. He’d seen Bucky when he arrived at work. Steve had been filling the temp in on the things Sam usually took care of when Bucky passed by. Steve had looked up, smiled at Bucky and given half a wave.

Bucky had returned the greeting, nothing out of the ordinary to anyone else. But Steve had seen the way his eyes had lit up when he smiled back at him. They’d made plans for that night, for the weekend. Steve knew waiting a week between was almost like torture to Bucky, but that wasn’t why he’d done it. Not _entirely_ anyway.

* * * *

Later that morning, Steve made his way to the employee lounge for coffee. Normally Sam brought coffee to his office, but with Sam out and the temp filling in, Steve did them both a favor and fetched his own.

As he rounded the corner, he caught a glimpse of Bucky sitting at one of the small tables with Natasha. They were alone in the small room, talking in hushed tones. Steve stopped, just short of the door, listening to their conversation.

“So, there’s no policy against inter-office dating?” Bucky asked.

“No,” Natasha answered. “It wasn’t something we thought needed to be addressed. Steve has always maintained that it’s not anyone’s business who you’re dating, as long as there’s no issues that interfere with your job performance.”

Steve could see Bucky nod, curling his hands around a cup of coffee.

“Why the questions? Do you have a hot date with someone from the office this weekend?”

Steve couldn’t see Bucky’s face but he imagined that Natasha’s forwardness had him blushing.

Bucky sputtered on his coffee. “No, just wondering.”

Steve wondered if Natasha was buying his feigned casualness.

“Is there a lot of dating going on around here?” Bucky asked.

Natasha laughed dryly. “I guess there has been, some of us get around more than others. I think there are people that have slept their way through most of the office staff. Well, except for Steve.”

“I know I haven’t worked here long, but Steve is a really great boss. He seems like a nice guy, too. He's always smiling.”

“Sure,” Natasha agreed. “He _is_ a good boss. He’s good at what he does. I’ve worked with Steve for a long time, but he’s a very private person. He likes it that way. There's a reason no one really knows anything about Steve's personal life.”

“Well you just said he was a private person, didn’t you?” Bucky asked.

“No,” Natasha answered. “ _I'm_ a private person. He's the kind of guy who knows every detail about every employee he has and every client he has. But no one knows any details about him.” She sipped her coffee.  “But even you have to admit he's a handsome bastard.”

Bucky’s head ducked over his coffee cup again and he started talking about a report he had to finish, apparently trying to change the subject. 

Steve was sure he heard Natasha muttering something in Russian, but his Russian was a bit too rusty to pick out what she was saying.

That was his cue to turn around and go back to his office. He didn’t need the coffee that badly anyway. He'd heard enough. The last thing he wanted to do was walk into the room on the heels of that conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, if there is anything that I missed in the tags that you feel should be noted, please let me know & I'll be happy to add it.


	4. When You Take Me There

Later that evening, when Bucky arrived at Steve’s apartment, he stepped inside and looked Steve over, his eyes sweeping down Steve’s body, and then back up again.

Bucky licked his lips. “Steve, what are you wearing? You look like a damn lumberjack.”

Steve looked down at his khakis and plaid shirt that he’d changed into after work. He chuckled, looking at Bucky. “You have a thing for lumberjacks or something, Bucky?”

Bucky shook his head. “No, just you.”

“What about you, what are you wearing Bucky?” Steve watched Bucky look down at his clothing, a striped shirt that fit him like a glove accompanied by jeans that looked worn and soft along with sneakers.

“Just clothes,” Bucky said with a shrug. He grinned cheekily. “Why, do you like it?”

Steve grabbed Bucky buy the hem of his shirt, pulling him close. He let his fingers brush over the strip of skin on Bucky’s stomach where his shirt had ridden up. He pulled him close enough to smell the clean, freshly showered scent of Bucky’s skin, the soft citrus smell of his hair. Then he crushed his lips against Bucky’s, his hands gripping Bucky’s hips tightly as they kissed.

Bucky suddenly pulled back. His face was flushed with arousal and there was a strange, determined look in his blue eyes.

“I guess we’re skipping dinner,” Steve said, sounding not at all disappointed.

Bucky didn’t laugh, didn’t even crack a smile. Instead, he turned his soft blue eyes up towards Steve’s. “What are we, Steve?” he asked.

“What are we?”

“Steve, my boss, I understand. Steve, my Dom, I understand too.  But what about just Steve? I… I don’t know what you are. What we are. Are we boyfriends? Are we fuck buddies? I can’t exactly go around announcing that my boss is also my Dom, you know?”

“We can be boyfriends if that’s what you want.” Steve smiled. "I love you," he murmured, leaning forward to kiss Bucky’s cheek. 

“ _Liar_.”

Steve tensed up. “What do you mean?”

“Steve Rogers doesn’t love anyone. Isn’t that what everyone says? Steve Rogers loves his country, he loves his company.”

Steve let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “I love _you_ , Bucky,” he said softly.

Capturing Bucky’s chin, he brought their lips together. Bucky let out a surprised sound that was quickly muffled by Steve's lips, his eyes fluttering closed with a sigh of pleasure.

When they finally broke apart, Bucky grinned. "Say it again?"

Steve frowned, looking confused, until he realized what he had said. He swallowed, lips curving to match the grin on Bucky’s face. "I said, 'I love you'.  I didn’t want to fall in love with you, I didn’t think it would happen. But every time you smile at me, it happens all over again.  I love you, Bucky, and I don’t know what to do with it."

Bucky nodded, smiling contently. “I need you, Steve.” He kissed Steve recklessly, his tongue sliding out, finding Steve’s and whimpering as Steve pulled him closer.

“God, Bucky, you’re beautiful,” Steve breathed out. “Let me fuck you.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement.

“Fuck me,” Bucky whispered back without hesitation, and then he blushed, as if he was surprised at his own brashness.

Steve grinned. He knew Bucky wanted him, he’d kept him waiting, taken things slow, but he knew it was what they both wanted. Excitement coursed through Steve’s body as he grabbed Bucky by the waist.

“Bedroom, now,” he said. “Strip and wait for me.”

Steve waited, lingering in the kitchen, to see if Bucky would follow his command. To see just what Bucky would do.

He wasn’t disappointed when he entered the bedroom and found Bucky face down, ass up on the bed.

Upon hearing Steve enter the room, Bucky lifted his head. “Sir,” he said, acknowledging Steve.

There was that thrill again, at the way Bucky called him Sir. Steve leaned over the bed, admiring Bucky’s body. The dark hair that was just a touch too long, fanning out on the pillow, the gentle curve of his back, the slope of his ass.

“You know you’re beautiful like this. So beautiful that I don’t want this to hurt you," Steve said, whispering into Bucky’s ear.

Bucky bit his bottom lip. "I trust you. You don’t have to be gentle. I don’t just like it when you’re with me, Steve—Sir. I like it when you’re in control. In total control of me."

Steve’s chest tightened at Bucky’s words. “Good, I’m glad to hear that, Buck,” he said. Steve skimmed the backs of his fingertips against Bucky’s spine. “I’m going to use the restraints again.”

“I’d like that, Sir,” Bucky answered.

“Turn over,” Steve ordered as he reached for the wrist restraints.

Bucky sighed contentedly as he rolled over.

Steve slid his hand down, finding a brief hold on Bucky’s waist, then smoothing down and across taut muscles towards his groin to cup and push slightly against the hardening bulge of Bucky’s cock. Bucky’s eyes were locked on his, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as he was locked in place.

Steve rose from the bed, not breaking eye contact. “I’m going to get undressed now,” he told Bucky. Steve did just that, taking off his clothes unhurriedly. He had waited this long, kept Bucky waiting this long, he wasn’t going to rush things now. He unbuttoned his shirt, laying it over the back of a chair. His pants followed, then his boxers, all while keeping his eyes on Bucky’s.

“I want to touch you, Sir.”

Bucky’s words sent a shiver down Steve’s spine, but he shook it off. “You can’t though, can you.” He ran a hand over his own chest, sliding it down over his abs. He stepped closer to the bed, giving Bucky a better view.

Steve moved his hand down to touch himself. He grasped his hardening cock, sliding his fist over it. It didn’t take long to get fully hard. Having Bucky spread out before him would have been enough without the extra stimulation.

As Steve stroked himself, Bucky whined, shifting on the bed as his own erection grew.

Steve kept a hand on himself and reached out to touch Bucky’s cock with the other. Bucky gasped at his touch as Steve curled his fingers around the hot, hard shaft. He stroked them both at a maddeningly slow pace, watching Bucky squirm. Steve worked them both with long, firm pulls, his fingers together tightly; the strokes just shy of painful. He ran his thumb down to swipe across the head of Bucky’s cock on every stroke, catching the pre-come there and using it to help his fist glide back down. When Steve began moving his hand over Bucky faster, keeping time with the hand he was using on himself, Bucky’s hips jerked upward.

Bucky couldn’t seem to keep still, he moved, arms pulling in time with the small, needy movements of his hips. “Don’t,” Steve warned. “Not yet. It’s going to feel so good when you finally come, but not yet.” Steve smiled, taking his hands and running them up Bucky’s sides. He skimmed across Bucky’s chest, thumbing his sensitive nipples.

“Yes, Sir.” Bucky’s answer was half whine, half gasp.

Steve touched the tips of his fingers to Bucky’s nipples, ever so lightly, barely grazing them. They soon tightened to stiff peaks under his gentle ministrations so Steve threw in a few soft pinches as reward. Bucky moaned in pleasure, stretching against his restraints. Steve focused all of his attention on Bucky’s nipples, stroking them softly with the rough pads of his fingers.

Bucky groaned in a low, ragged voice, closing his eyes and shivering.

“You like that, don’t you?”

“Yes!” Bucky moaned.

Steve grinned as he settled himself on the bed between Bucky’s legs. He took a leg in each hand and moved them so that they were spread, knees bent and drawn up.

He hovered over Bucky, planting kisses along his jawline, down over his neck and chest. He felt Bucky squirm under him as his beard grazed Bucky’s skin. He kissed his way down the planes of Bucky’s stomach, his hands gripping Bucky’s hips as he moved lower.

Steve ran his fingers down along Bucky’s cock, teasingly trailing lower. He paused a moment and whispered “Beautiful. You’re beautiful, Bucky.” He ran a finger down across the crack of Bucky’s ass, hearing  a low moan from Bucky. Then he slid that one finger inward, not quite there, just barely parting the cleft. Not touching anything yet. Just in, just a little bit farther each time. Then stopping.

“Please,” the words spilled from Bucky’s lips and Steve paused.

“Please what?”

“Please, _fuck me_ , Sir.”

Steve fumbled for the bottle of lube he’d gotten out at the same time as the restraints before he popped open the cap. He poured some into his hand, warming it before using a finger to spread it across Bucky’s puckered hole. He trailed his finger around, tracing small circles, before he started working one finger inside, just slowly inserting the tip.

At the first push of his finger, Bucky’s head shot up, a gasp spilling from his lips.

"Fuck, Bucky, you're so tight," he muttered.

"Y-yes, Sir," Bucky stammered, trying his best to relax. "M'not a virgin though."

Steve leaned down and kissed the back of Bucky’s thighs soothingly while he continued to press against his entrance. Bucky hissed as the first finger slipped fully inside him. He bit his bottom lip even harder as he tried to suppress his moans.

"You remember what to tell me, if you want me to stop?" Steve whispered, sounding somewhat concerned.

"I'm fine, Sir" Bucky responded breathlessly. He drew a breath, the corners of his mouth curling into a wicked grin. “Green.”

Steve started at a slow pace, fucking Bucky gently with his finger. Steve stretched him open slowly, one finger dragging in and out for what seemed like an eternity. Sweat broke out on Bucky’s skin, and his breaths came in shallow gasps. He thrust his hips up with every retreat of Steve’s finger, and when Steve drove his finger back in, pushing Bucky down against the mattress, Bucky was left panting as his cock brushed against his stomach, pre-come already dripping from the tip.

“You’re so fucking tight,” whispered Steve and slipped in another finger, earning a deep groan from the man beneath him.

Slowly, but insistently, Steve relentlessly pushed, demanding everything, until Bucky began to come undone. He smirked. "Now you're going to have to beg for it, Bucky."

 "Fuck!" Bucky groaned as he writhed and arched his back to try push Steve’s fingers deeper. When that didn’t work, he took a deep breath. "Sir, please. I need more."

 Steve’s grin widened and pushed his fingers in slowly. "More? More of what?" He innocently asked before he reached out to stroke Bucky’s cock. “Can’t you stand it any longer?”

Bucky groaned indecisively.

“Do you like the way it feels?” Steve asked, still moving his fingers slowly inside of Bucky.

Bucky nodded as his chest heaved and he strained against his bonds. His eyes were closed. His lips glistened, parted by his rapid breaths. All this and Steve hadn’t even fucked him yet, not really. Not the way he knew Bucky wanted.

“You’ve been so good. So very, very, good Bucky.” Steve’s words brought Bucky’s eyes fluttering open and earned him a sly smile. Steve admired Bucky’s beautiful cock, flushed with intense arousal, twitching to be touched.

Steve wondered if he had ever seen Bucky look so content. His eyes were bright with desire, his pupils wide as he urged Steve on without saying a word. Keeping his fingers inside Bucky, he reached for the lube again, slicking up his eager cock with it, warming it in his hands. When he was slick and ready, he removed his fingers from Bucky’s entrance.

No more teasing.  Climbing up between Bucky’s thighs he positioned himself so that he could move, that Bucky could move without pulling against the restraints too much.

“I’m ready, Sir. Please,” Bucky’s voice was low, careful, completely trusting in Steve.

Steve lined up his cock with Bucky’s hole, he didn't press into him though, just rocked forward nudging the head of his cock against Bucky’s waiting warmth. 

The contact made Bucky moan again and with that, Steve thrust his way carefully into Bucky, relishing the tightness and heat.

“Want you,” Bucky moaned.

Steve filled Bucky, sheathing his cock in Bucky’s willing ass and began to rock his hips. “You’ve always had me.” The words spilled from his lips easily, too easily, but Bucky’s expression made it worth it.

He was buried to the hilt, Bucky taking him so willingly. “ _Mine_ ,” he said firmly, eyes flashing with possessiveness as he grasped Bucky’s legs and threw one over each shoulder, allowing him better access. “I want to see your face when I fuck you, Bucky. See your face when I make you come.”

The look on Bucky’s face—a relaxed, completely blissed out smile—made Steve lose control for the first time that night and a moan escaped his lips.

Steve moved slowly, filling Bucky with his cock the way he had with his fingers. It felt so good to be inside Bucky, but it was made even better by the fact that he knew Bucky had been wanting this, waiting for this.

Steve’s slow, steady movements weren’t enough though, Bucky wanted more. “Harder, Sir,” he gasped.

And then Steve lost his bearings for a second time, couldn’t help as one low moan turned into a growl. “Bucky, Bucky… my perfect, beautiful Bucky…”

He gave him what he asked for, he worked Bucky ragged until they were both absolutely beyond all reason.  Steve couldn’t tell where his moans began and Bucky’s ended; all he knew was that he could listen to the sounds of the dark haired man beneath him forever. Every time he thrust into Bucky there was a hitch in Bucky’s breath that soon came with a desperate whine on every exhale.

Steve knew Bucky was close. He slid a hand down between them, wrapping his fingers around Bucky’s cock and started to stroke firm and fast, his thumb rubbing across the head on each stroke. “That’s it, Bucky,” Steve groaned, his voice rough and unsteady as his own orgasm approached. He could feel the heaviness building in his balls, the tightness in his spine telling him that he couldn’t hold out much longer.

“Come for me, Bucky. I want to feel you.” Steve twisted his wrist, stroking Bucky faster and Bucky cried out, back arching off the bed as he came, painting white stripes across his chest as Steve stroked him through it. He whined softly at the oversensitivity but didn’t tell Steve to let go.

Steve’s hips moved in a hard, uneven rhythm, too close and desperate to manage a steady pace anymore. Bucky went loose and open around him in post-orgasmic bliss and Steve groaned as every line and muscle in Bucky’s body tensed and arched as he rode out the aftershocks of their climax.

And then he let go, Steve thrust into Bucky one final time, roaring as his orgasm washed over him. He slowed his hips, burying himself deep inside Bucky as his cock pumped his beautiful, obedient boy full of come.

Steve had the presence of mind to unfasten Bucky’s restraints and then he let himself fall onto the bed by his side. Sagging and panting, Steve admired the impossible clear blue of his lover’s eyes.

After being released Bucky turned his head away, as if it was too much effort to turn his body, as if he couldn’t summon enough strength to push Steve away or to curl up and protect himself.

“It’s okay,” Steve said, his hand cupping Bucky’s cheek, thumb wiping away fresh tears. “It’s okay now. Are you still with me?”

This elicited a few mumbles in response and Steve was not sure what they’re supposed to have meant. More, maybe. Or hold me. Finally, Bucky curled in on himself, leaving Steve to easily wrap his arms around him. Steve obliged, drawing Bucky close to his sweat-slicked body. Wanting to hold Bucky and never let go. To just wrap him up in warmth and forgiveness, let him just _be_. He ran his hand over Bucky’s overheated skin, smoothing the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Did I do well, Sir? Was I a good boy?” Bucky’s voice was soft and broken.

“You really think that’s all you are to me… Bucky?

Steve felt Bucky’s entire body sag. He knew he’d gotten through to him.

“Bucky,” he said softly. “I’m in love with you, you jerk. It wouldn’t matter to me if you had said no when I asked you to be my sub. I’d still have wanted to sleep with you. It just would have been different. But I love you for who you are, not just for what we do together.”

A quiet sound came from Bucky, as if he couldn’t get his mouth around words, instead he shook his head. “Steve, I love you too,” he whispered.

* * * *

Steve woke to the feeling of Bucky’s fingers creeping up his chest. He kept his eyes closed, feigning sleep, just to see what Bucky would do. His view of Bucky was filtered through eyelashes, almost hazy, yet Bucky looked so good. His hair messy and his eyes bright. Steve’s heart skipped a beat as Bucky’s finger trailed across his jaw. When Bucky’s finger reached his lips, Steve let his eyes flutter open.

Bucky was leaning on his elbow, his dark hair messy, his eyes half-lidded and he clearly had been watching Steve sleep for some time.

Steve checked the clock and saw that it was early, before five. He wanted to tell Bucky to go back to sleep, but he found he didn’t have the heart to do that. All he could do at the moment was admire how beautiful Bucky looked and how much he wanted him there, even if they weren’t having sex, because some way, somehow, Bucky’s presence was that meaningful to him.

Bucky slipped from the bed, kissing Steve on the temple.

“You leaving me, Bucky?” he questioned.

Bucky laughed. “No, but I’m starving, so I thought I’d make us some breakfast.” He retrieved his boxers from the floor and slipped them on. “If that’s alright?”

“I will never argue with someone who wants to cook for me,” Steve said, biting back a yawn. “You sure you’re up for cooking?”

Bucky nodded. “I’m good. Better than good.” A cat-like smile stretched the corners of his mouth upward.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather come back to bed?” Steve said, his voice still gravelly with sleep.

“Is that a request or an order?” Just then Bucky’s stomach grumbled.

They both laughed. “Breakfast first then,” Steve said. He stared at Bucky, taking in every detail about him that he could. The uneven bits of stubble that were just barely beginning to show, the angles on his face, shape of his nose, curve of his mouth, absolutely messy hair, those incredible eyes. He focused on those eyes, his soft smile growing wider.

“What’re you looking at?” Bucky smirked.

“Oh nothing,” Steve said dropping his gaze. “Just admiring the man that’s going to bring me breakfast in bed.”

Bucky’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, really?”

* * * *

Steve found that he dozed off because the smell of coffee woke him sometime later.

Bucky entered the bedroom carrying a breakfast tray that Steve didn’t even remember owning. He sat up in bed as Bucky joined him, settling the tray across their laps.

“Smells good, Buck.” He said, reaching for a cup of coffee. He smiled from behind the mug; Bucky had made it just the way he liked.

The corner of Bucky's mouth twitched up in a tiny smile, and he reached for his own cup, sipping slowly. “Made pancakes too,” he said into his coffee.

Steve sat up straighter, placing his now empty mug onto the tray. He noticed there was only one plate on the tray, but it was absolutely piled with pancakes. Perfectly round, golden pancakes that were already dripping with butter & syrup.

He picked up a knife and fork from beside the plate and started to cut the pancakes into bite-sized pieces.  Spearing a bite on the fork, he brought it to his lips. The first bite was heavenly. “You did an amazing job, Bucky. These are delicious. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Bucky said, beaming.

Steve snagged another bite of pancakes, but this time he held them out for Bucky, offering him a bite. Bucky took the pancakes he proffered, his lips closing around the fork. Steve slid it from his mouth and watched Bucky as he chewed & swallowed.

They ate the pancakes that way, sharing the fork, Steve feeding Bucky, until the plate was empty. With the food gone, Steve set the tray aside, on top of the bedside table.

Then he shifted back and away from Bucky, but only long enough to lie down on his side next to him, his arm under his head. Steve wrapped his leg over Bucky’s thigh, thinking how this position was perfect for kissing. Slow mellow kissing, from a man with his eyes half-shut and a content look on his face.

“Thank you for breakfast,” he said.

Bucky stretched and yawned. “Maybe going back to bed sounds like a good idea now,” he admitted.

Steve laughed, stroking a hand down Bucky’s arm. “Sleeping wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.” But Bucky had a point, it was still god awful early and he did enjoy sleeping with Bucky curled against him.

“We’ve got all weekend, it’s barely Saturday,” Bucky said sleepily.

Shit… Steve realized he’d forgotten to tell Bucky. He’d have to leave, to catch a flight out, early Sunday morning. “Bucky, Buck,” he said, trying to make sure he had Bucky’s full attention. “I’ve got a business trip. I have to fly out to California on Sunday morning.”

Bucky’s body tensed as he answered. “You’re leaving?”

“Just for a few days,” Steve soothed, his words soft against Bucky’s skin. “I won’t even be gone a week.”

“You can’t take me with you?” Bucky asked, feigning nonchalance. “Thought you said we were dating now. Boyfriends?”

“Sorry, Buck. I need you here, in the office I mean. Even if we do go public at the office with our relationship, I couldn’t find a good reason to take you with me. But don’t worry, we’ll Skype and you won’t even know I’m gone.”

“Yeah,” Bucky said sounding defeated. He perked up a little. “ _Yeah_ , you promise?” Bucky asked. He didn’t sound sleepy any longer.

To be honest, Steve wasn’t feeling tired any more either. “I promise. I said I’d take care of you, didn’t I?”

Bucky nodded.

“Then you have to trust me to do that,” Steve said evenly. “Now, get some sleep so we can make the most of the time we have left this weekend.”

“Is that an order, Sir?” Bucky asked with a cocky grin.

“It is, Bucky. Go to sleep, and if you’re a good boy, maybe I’ll spank you later.”

“Promise?” Bucky said, biting back a laugh.

“Jesus Christ, Bucky! Go to sleep,” Steve said, chuckling as he turned over onto his stomach. He positioned one arm under his head, and brought the other to rest over Bucky, keeping him close.

Bucky sighed cheerfully, and relaxed against Steve. “Yes, Sir.” Bucky pulled the covers snug around their bodies and pressed a small kiss to Steve’s forehead.

Steve smiled and a soft hum escaped from his mouth. “Good night, Bucky.”

Once they had settled together, Bucky’s fears assuaged, it didn’t take him more than a few minutes to actually fall asleep. Steve waited until Bucky’s breathing was steady and even, until he was sure he was asleep before allowing himself to relax into sleep.  He hadn’t thought he’d be here, be sharing a bed, sharing his kinks, with someone who he cared for so much. Steve didn’t know what had brought Bucky into his life, how he had gotten so lucky. He could only hope that he didn’t fuck things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know if I've overlooked adding any important tags! And thanks for reading!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [lovealetterbomb](http://lovealetterbomb.tumblr.com/)


	5. I Need Your Arms Around Me, I Need To Feel Your Touch

Steve’s flight left on time, early Sunday morning. It really was just a routine business trip, one he made every few months. This time was different. This time he was leaving Bucky behind. Which, Steve had to admit, sounded a little ridiculous. He would be back before the weekend, so really he wasn’t missing that much time with Bucky.

During the flight, Steve had plenty of time to think. Time to think about their relationship. Was he ready to have the whole office knowing he and Bucky were dating? Normally it wouldn’t have raised any eyebrows, he knew there was plenty of inter-office romance. None that he’d ever been involved in though. He recalled Nat’s words to Bucky, her insistence that he was more than just a private person.

Truth was, Steve Rogers was nothing more than a romantic at heart. A romantic with an active BDSM lifestyle, sure. But that part was something the entire office definitely didn’t need to know about. It was decided then, as long as Bucky was alright with it, they could stop hiding the fact that they were together from the office.

* * * *

Steve’s first day in LA was spent mostly in meetings, with potential clients and existing clients. He would also spend time visiting locations where Star-Spangled Security was already being used or where people were considering hiring his company.

Several times during meetings Steve discreetly pulled out his phone to answer texts from Bucky. Unprofessional, yes, but Steve didn’t want to miss any messages. When he broke for a late lunch, he checked in with Sam first before trying to call Bucky.

“How are things going, Sam?”

“They’re fine! You think we can’t hold down the fort with you gone?” Sam joked.

Steve knew everything usually went smoothly in his absence. He still liked making sure though. “So no issues at all?”

“Not really. Well, you know how you asked me to keep an ear out, see how Barnes was doing?”

“Mmhmm,” Steve answered half afraid of what Sam was going to say. He’d asked him to let him know if there were any issues with Bucky’s performance, or his attitude at work in general. Sam was usually the first one to catch any office gossip and any problems that needed to be brought to Steve’s attention went through him first. “What about it?”

“Just glowing reports, Cap. Whatever you said to him has been working. And he’s been coming to my group meetings too. Still quiet, but he stays for the cookies now.”

Steve could practically hear Sam’s smile. “Good, I’m glad to hear it.”

Sam continued, “Although he’s been kinda moping around the office today.”

“Moping?”

“Yeah, looks like a lost puppy.”

Steve had a pretty good idea why. “Thanks, Sam. You’ll let me know if anything comes up?”

“Will do, Cap.

Steve checked his watch. He had to be at his next meeting in 20 minutes, but factoring in the time difference, Bucky would be busy at the office at this time of day. He sent him a short text, letting Bucky know he would be busy for a few hours, but that he’d call him later.

As he was getting ready to head into the next meeting, his phone buzzed with Bucky’s reply.

“Okay. I’m looking forward to it. I’ve got a therapy session later anyway, so that works for me.”

Apparently, Bucky was going to Sam’s meetings and seeing a therapist. Good for him. He suspected that had as much, if not more to do with the change in Bucky’s attitude at work as their arrangement did. Their relationship, he corrected himself.

He shot back a reply. “Good boy, Bucky. Good for you. I’ll talk to you soon.” After he hit send he realized he what he had said.  He smiled, knowing Bucky wouldn’t mind.

 * * * *

Back in his hotel room later, Steve dialed Bucky’s number.

He picked up on the first ring. “Hello?” He sounded out of breath.

“Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, I just got back from getting groceries and I didn’t want to miss your call.”

“I would have called back if you did.”

“I know, but I didn’t want to miss it.”

“Sam said you were moping around the office today, Bucky.”

“You called to check up on me? Called _Sam_ to check up on me?”

“No. I called Sam to check on the office. He brought it up. Care to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Can’t you guess?”

“Bucky, I’m tired and I’m not in the mood for games, just tell me.”

“It’s you, I miss you.”

“I’ve only been gone a little over a day. And I’ll be back by Friday.”

“I know. I guess I just got used to seeing you every day, even if it’s just at the office.”

“Bucky, I miss you too. But you can’t walk around pouting all day because I’m not there.”

“You’re right, it was stupid—”

“No,” Steve interrupted. “It’s not stupid, but if you keep it up people might start figuring out you’re missing the boss.”

Bucky gave a short laugh. “Would that be a bad thing?”

“Not to me,” Steve said quietly. “Of course, we still have to keep things formal at work.”

“Right, can’t go giving Nat a stroke. She’ll be surprised enough to hear that you’re dating _anyone_.”

“You’re not giving her enough credit. I don’t think she’ll be as surprised as you think. But I’m serious, it can’t interfere with my work or yours.”

“Of course, Sir,” Bucky said, falling into habit.

“And I think it goes without saying that what we do in private stays private.”

“I agree, Sir, Steve.” Bucky laughed again. “So, does this mean that tomorrow, if Sam or someone asks why I’m in such a rotten mood I can say it’s because I’m missing you?”

“If that’s how you want it to go,” Steve answered with a laugh of his own. “Although they may just think you’re joking.”

They both laughed, no doubt picturing Sam’s reaction.

“Steve, you said we’d Skype while you’re gone. Any chance of doing that tonight?”

“Not tonight, Bucky. It’s late, for both of us. Tomorrow. And then I’ll be home late on Thursday evening.”

“And we can spend the weekend together again?”

“Absolutely. I wouldn’t have it any other way. So, how did your therapy session go?”

“Well, Dr.—”

“You don’t have to talk about what you discussed, Bucky. Not if you don’t want to. That’s between you and the therapist. I’m just glad you’re going. You feel like it’s helping?”

“I do. It hasn’t been that long since I’ve been going regularly, but between that and you… I feel more centered. Like I can face things and know that I’ll be able to handle it. We talk a lot about trying not to bury memories. That remembering is an important step in the healing process, you know?”

“It is, I know that firsthand,” Steve said with a sigh. “Trying to forget something ever happened doesn’t change the fact that it did happen.”

“Firsthand, huh?” Bucky questioned. “Is that, are you talking about stuff you saw when you were in the Army, or… something else?”

Steve sighed. “I guess you could say both. More the latter than the former these days.”

“Oh. I… okay. It’s fine if you’d rather not tell me. I just thought that… since we were talking about that kind of stuff. You know,” Bucky finished lamely.

“It’s a conversation for another time, Bucky. Not that I don’t want to tell you, to talk about it. It’s just… it’s complicated.”

“Sure, Steve. I get it. We’ll save it for another time.”

“I’d better go Bucky, we both need some sleep.”

“Right, can’t have anyone at the office thinking you kept me up too late,” Bucky teased. “Good night, Steve.”

“Night, Bucky,” Steve said as he ended the call.

* * * *

On Tuesday, Steve’s day wasn’t filled with meetings. Instead he attended a presentation given for other businesses like his. It was an opportunity for companies to share their developments in protective gear. He really was interested in the new kind of body armor being discussed, but he knew he wasn’t going to be purchasing any for Star-Spangled Security, so he took the opportunity to play with Bucky a little. No one questioned why he repeatedly checked his phone, sending short texts while the speaker droned on.

Steve: _I’m sitting in a conference wishing I was in bed with you instead. What are you doing right now?_ He sent the message, wishing he could see Bucky’s face.

Bucky: _Working. Missing you. Trying not to think about you, about seeing you._

Steve: _You’re definitely not working then._

Bucky:   _I’m thinking. I’ll have you know I’m working extremely hard right now._

Steve chuckled. Somehow he thought that Bucky wasn’t talking about how hard his workload was. _I doubt it,_ he replied.

Bucky:  _You’re the one sending personal messages when you know I’m at work._

Steve:  _Just making sure you’re ready for tonight You can show me how much you’re missing me ;)_  

He put his phone away then, knowing Bucky would just have to be patient.

* * * *

Later that evening, Steve waited as Skype connected him to Bucky. He hadn’t talked to him since sending that last text, hours earlier. But he’d gotten several from Bucky. First Bucky’s texts had been along the lines of complaining how unfair it was to have texted him knowing he was at work. They eventually turned into Bucky telling Steve just how turned on he was.

Steve’s laptop chimed and then there was Bucky, filling his screen. He leaned back against his bed, certainly more casual than Steve, who was still wearing his suit. Bucky’s hair looked damp, his t-shirt clung to him as though he hadn’t dried off properly before putting it on.

“Hi, Steve,” Bucky said, shifting his laptop around his lap, giving Steve a glimpse of the gray sweatpants he was wearing.

“I got your texts, Bucky,” Steve said, unable to hide his grin.

“Fuck, Steve,” Bucky said with a whine. “That was really not playing nice to tease me like that.”

“You’re looking a little uncomfortable, Bucky.” Bucky didn’t answer, simply shifted in his seat. “What were you doing before I called?”

Bucky looked down at the floor, cheeks flaming red.

“You were thinking about me, about how much you liked having my cock in you, weren’t you?” Steve lowered his voice, the deep vibratos producing exactly the desired results.

Bucky looked up, pupils blown wide. “Yes, Sir. I was.”

“Good,” Steve said, able to tell that Bucky was telling the truth. “Good boys do as they’re told, don’t they, Bucky?”

 “Yes, Sir.”

Steve knew Bucky had been touching himself before he’d called. It was obvious not just from the way Bucky was shifting in his seat but from the visible bulge in his sweatpants. “I want to see your cock. Now.”

Bucky’s hands shook as he moved to obey Steve’s order. Steve could see him twitching as he lifted his hips and slid the pants down. As Bucky lowered the sweats, his cock sprang free, hard and glistening. Steve licked his lips at the sight while Bucky sat awaiting further direction.

“Such a pretty sight. And so eager. That is for me, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Sir, all for you. God, I’m so hard for you, so wet for you.” Bucky was practically vibrating with want, with the need for release.

“Good. Now touch yourself, Bucky. I want to see those long, gorgeous fingers stroking your cock.”

Bucky moaned as he complied. Pre-come pulsed from his slit and he used it to slick his hand down his hard shaft. Steve groaned and pushed the heel of his palm against his own erection as he watched Bucky’s hand move.

“That’s it, Bucky. Does it feel good?”

Bucky nodded, biting his lower lip.

“Good boy, put on a show for me. Show me what thinking about me does to you.”

Bucky groaned, his pleasure over touching himself doubled at Steve’s words.

Bucky tightened his grip and twisted his wrist as he stroked himself. He threw his head back and moaned, a thick sound from the back of his throat as he circled his hips into his own touch.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Bucky.”

“Thinking about you, Steve. Thinkin’ about swallowing you down.” Bucky’s hand was moving faster and his hips bucking harder, he was getting close. “Thinkin’ about being split wide open on that cock. Oh God, Steve, I’m so close.”

Steve swallowed hard at the sight. Bucky needy and wanting release so bad, but not willing to let himself go without Steve’s say so. “You want to come, Bucky?”

“Yes, Sir. Please! Want to-ngh-, Please, Steve, p-please, wanna come for you. Please, c-can I?”

“Almost, Bucky. Tell me what you are.”

Bucky was desperate, his face flushed, his lower lip swollen. His pupils so wide there was only the barest ring of blue remaining; and he was waiting for Steve’s permission. It was beautiful.

“I’m yours. I’m your good boy. I’m… I’m your Bucky.”

“You are, You are mine. Come for me Bucky, come like a good boy.”

With permission Bucky shouted Steve’s name and he did come. He came so hard that some of it hit the camera, obscuring Steve’s view through the screen. Steve listened to Bucky panting, trying to catch his breath as he recovered from his orgasm.

 “Bucky, that was so good. So hot,” he praised him.

Bucky sat forward, wiping the screen clear. “What about you,” he asked. When Steve could see him clearly he was biting his lower lip again.

“Don’t you worry about me,” Steve said. “I’m saving it until we’re together again.” His voice was low, a near growl, full of promise and intent.

Bucky inhaled sharply, and then flushed a darker shade of red. “I can’t wait.”

“You’ll have to,” Steve said, grinning wickedly.

“I will,” Bucky agreed. “And it will be worth every second of waiting.”

“You’d better get to bed, Buck,” Steve said. He didn’t want to end the call, he would have gladly watched Bucky all night long.

“I know, I’d just rather watch you, talk to you longer.”

“I’ll be back soon, Buck. I promise. Go to bed.”

“ _Fine_.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “You’d better get some sleep too.”

“Look at you, telling me what to do,” Steve chuckled. “I will, goodnight Bucky.”

“Goodnight Steve, I love you.”

The screen went blank as Bucky closed his side of the connection. Steve went to bed that night with a smile on his face that was still there when he woke up in the morning.

* * * *

Wednesday was another busy day for Steve, he barely had time to breathe between running back and forth to meet with clients. He made sure he took the time to check his messages when he could, but the texts he sent Bucky were brief at best.

He was supposed to fly out Thursday morning and get back home Thursday evening, but when he’d finished up for the day on Wednesday, Steve found that he didn’t want to wait any longer. It would cost more to change his flight, but if he could get back home, to the office and to Bucky sooner, it would be well worth it.

So Steve took a ten o’clock flight and got into the city in the early hours of the morning. He didn’t want to let Bucky know he’d come back early, he wanted it to be a surprise.

By the time he got to his apartment, the jet lag was already hitting him hard. He set his alarm for noon, planning to show up at the office with a late lunch for Bucky.

When the alarm went off, Steve wanted to hit the snooze button ten or fifteen times, but he didn’t. Imagining the look of surprise on Bucky’s face motivated him to get up and out of bed. He grabbed his phone, to text Bucky.

Steve: _Have you gone to lunch yet?_

Bucky:   _Not yet, I’ve got some stuff to catch up on so I’m going to take a late lunch today. Call me in an hour?_

Steve smiled, he’d do Bucky one better, he’d see him in an hour.

Steve: _An hour, sure. What are you doing for lunch today?_

Bucky: _Just brought a sandwich from home. I figured I’d eat here instead of going out._

Steve: _OK, I’ll let you get back to work._

Steve took a quick shower, hoping it would help him wake up. On the way to the office he stopped at a deli he and Bucky had often talked about. They both loved the Reuben sandwiches there, but they hadn’t ever gone together.

* * * *

Almost an hour exactly since he’d texted Bucky, Steve entered the office, bag from the deli in hand. He never came to work mid-day so his arrival drew attention from the employees he passed along the way. When he reached Sam’s desk, Sam looked up at him, clearly confused.

“I didn’t get my days mixed up, did I?” Sam asked, checking the calendar on his desk.

“No.” Steve shook his head. “I just wanted to come back early.”

“Oh, ok, was there a problem or you just missing the office that much?”

Steve gripped the deli bag tightly. “No problems, Sam. I wasn’t missing the office either. I _was_ missing someone.”

“You was— what?” Sam looked up mid-sentence. He looked more confused than before. “What… I mean, who were you missing?” He looked back down at his calendar, then back up to Steve. “Never mind, Cap, none of my business I guess.”

Steve set the deli bag down on the corner of Sam’s desk. “I was missing my boyfriend.”

Sam nodded, opened his mouth, and then closed it again. Nodded a second time. “Good for you, Cap.”

Steve grinned. “Can you call Barnes to my office, please?”

Sam smiled now, mimicking Steve’s wide grin. “Oh,” he said. “That’s how it is.”

Steve picked up the deli bag and turned towards his office. “That’s how it is, Sam.”

“Good for you, Cap. You found something that makes you happy.”

“I did, Sam, I did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know if I've overlooked adding any important tags! And thanks for reading!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [lovealetterbomb](http://lovealetterbomb.tumblr.com/)


	6. Let Me Be Your Business

Steve retreated to his office, leaving the door slightly open. He sat at his desk and listened for Bucky.

He didn’t have to wait long until he heard Bucky’s voice. “I’m wanted in Steve’s office?”

“Yup,” Sam said.  “And good for you man.”

Steve could picture Bucky’s brow furrowing as he answered. “What? Why?”

“Just go on back man,” Sam told him.

Steve heard Bucky coming down the hallway and pushing aside the door. “Hello?” He called out tentatively.

“Come on in,” Steve said.

Bucky’s face as he came through the door made the extra money on the flight and the tiredness Steve was feeling absolutely worth it.

He met Bucky halfway around the desk, catching him in a tight embrace. Bucky buried his face against Steve’s neck. “I missed you,” he mumbled.

“I know, Bucky, I know. I missed you too. You have time for lunch with your… boyfriend?”

Bucky raised his head, looking up at Steve in disbelief. “Is that, I mean, Sam, is that what he meant?”

“I told him that I came back early because I missed my boyfriend.”

Bucky stepped back, blinked. “You told him that, for me?”

“For us. I guess I was just waiting for the right partner, Bucky.” Steve sat, opening the bag from the deli. “Look, I got us sandwiches from that place we both keep talking about.”

They sat, opposite each other at Steve’s desk and ate their sandwiches. As they ate, Steve noticed that  Bucky seemed to be squirming a bit in his seat.

“Something wrong?”

“No, Steve, I just missed you. I’m excited you’re back early.”

Bucky put down his mostly eaten sandwich and came around to the other side of the desk. Steve looked up at him. He swallowed. “Yeah, Bucky?”

Bucky pushed Steve’s chair back from the desk just enough so that he had space to squeeze himself onto Steve’s lap. Steve smiled, amused at Bucky’s boldness.

Bucky leaned close, slotting their lips together, kissing Steve with abandon.

Steve broke the kiss after a few seconds. “Bucky, we can’t. We have to get back to work,” Steve told him gently.

“Can’t the boss make an exception, just this once?”

“No, I can’t. Especially now that people know we’re a couple. If we’re done with lunch you’d better go back to your desk, Buck.”

Bucky huffed. “Fine, but not before kissing you one more time.” He leaned in for another kiss, just gently brushing his lips over Steve’s, as soft as a sigh. He stood, smiling at Steve. “Later?”

“Later,” Steve said with a nod.

Bucky left, closing the door behind him on his way out. Steve shook his head, clearing his thoughts. God he wanted Bucky right then and there, but not in the middle of a work day. Not when he was this tired. Although, the prospect of sex with Bucky was enough to keep him awake.

Bucky hadn’t been out of his office longer than a minute before the texts started coming.

Bucky: _“I would have sucked your cock right then and there, under your desk, any way you wanted me._

Bucky:   _Wanted to sit in your lap and have you fuck me._

Bucky: _Or maybe you’d fuck me over that big desk of yours_.

He texted him back then.

Steve: _Jesus Christ, Buck._   _Would you stop, we’ve still got a few hours before the end of the day. I promise we’ll go back to my apartment, just lay off._

Bucky:  _I’d rather be laid by you Steve_.

What the hell had gotten into Bucky?

At quarter to five, Bucky still hadn’t run out of suggestive texts. Steve tried to ignore them, but every message that popped up on his phone made his cock twitch.

He could have texted Bucky, told him to come to his office; instead, he went to find him. He was sitting at his desk, and to anyone else he would have looked like he was working. Steve knew better. He’d told Bucky before, no screwing around at the office. But he was the boss, and if it was after hours when the office was empty then maybe an exception could be made.

Steve approached Bucky’s desk. “Barnes,” he said, keeping his tone even, just as he would with any other employee.

“Steve,” Bucky answered looking up guiltily.

“Let me see what you’re working on there.” Steve leaned over Bucky’s shoulder, eyes fixed on the work in front of him.

Steve’s voice was low as he spoke close to Bucky’s ear. "Bucky, I want you. More than anything. However, I don't think this is the right time or place.” He pulled back, eying James, watching his reaction.

Barnes grinned, a sly smile spreading across his face. “Yes, sir.  I understand, sir,” he said.

Steve knew Bucky was testing him. He wanted to provoke Steve. Wanted to see what he could get away with. Steve smirked. Two could play at this game. “I’d like to see you in my office, Barnes,” he said, raising his voice.

Bucky grinned, sure he was going to get what he wanted.

Steve lowered his voice again, so that there was no chance of anyone overhearing. “You go and wait for me in my office. Lock the door. I’m the only one with the key.”

Barnes nodded, already eager to be on his way.

“I’ve got some things to take care of,” Steve said. “I’m going to take my time. I can see that you are, but I’m not in a hurry. You’re going to go into my office and bend over my desk and wait for me. You’ll stay still or else I’ll spank your pretty ass so red you can’t sit for a week. And when everyone else has left the office, I’ll come and join you.”

Steve waited, making rounds of the office, making small talk with employees as they finished up and left for the day. He knew Bucky would be waiting, squirming in anticipation. The waiting would heighten the anticipation for both of them.

At five o’clock exactly he stopped at Sam’s desk.

“You ready to call it a day, Sam?”

“Just about. Are you getting out of here early today?”

“I’ve got some things in my office I need to go over first, it might be a late night.”

“Well, don’t wear yourself out, Cap.” Sam smiled, gathering his things. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have a good night, Sam.” Steve said. He waited by Sam’s desk as Sam and the last few stragglers found their way out of the office. He made another round, just checking to see that he and Bucky were really alone.

Taking slow steps, Steve sauntered back the hall to his office, he unlocked the door and stepped inside. Purposely not looking at Bucky he shut the door behind him and locked it again. Bucky was leaning against Steve’s desk, grinning cheekily. He’d taken off his suit jacket, loosened his tie and from the looks of it had been running his hands through his hair.

Steve stopped, admiring the mess of dark, near-curls, the flush on Bucky’s cheeks and… the red suspenders that stood out in stark contrast to Bucky’s white shirt.

“Well, I’ve been waiting, like you told me to.”

“You have. You’ve done just as I asked,” Steve said, closing the distance between them. He ran a finger under one side of Bucky’s suspenders. “These are new?”

“They are. I thought you might like them,” Bucky said nodding.

“Oh, I do. Very much so. I think we’ll keep those on for awhile,” Steve said as he hooked a finger around the suspender band. He pulled it forward, just a small amount, then let go. The suspender landed back against Bucky’s chest with a snap.

“What am I going to do with you, Bucky?” Steve mused.

“And here I thought I sent you some pretty good suggestions earlier,” Bucky said with a smirk.

“That’s not what I meant.” Steve undid Bucky’s tie, setting it aside on the desk before unbuttoning his shirt. He slipped the suspenders down Bucky’s shoulders, leaving them clipped to his pants. He helped Bucky out of his shirt and then pulled the suspenders back into place. “Perfect,” he said, taking a step back to admire the way the suspenders framed Bucky’s chest and abs.

Steve stepped close again, fitting himself between Bucky’s thighs, pressing Bucky against the desk. He ran his hands up Bucky’s sides, feeling him shiver. He grasped Bucky’s shoulders, bringing their lips together in a forceful kiss. His tongue swept out and Bucky parted his lips with a soft moan.

Bucky melted into the kiss, bringing his arms around Steve, grasping and needy. That was when Steve broke the kiss, now wearing a smirk of his own. “You know, I think your hands are a little too busy, Bucky.”

“I’m sorry, Sir. It’s hard not to touch you. I’ll try not to, if you don’t want me to.”

Steve smoothed a hand over Bucky’s hair, planting a kiss on his forehead. “As flattering as that is to hear, and as much as I do enjoy you touching me, I think I might have to help you keep your hands still.” He reached for Bucky’s discarded tie, running the soft silk through his fingers. “What do you think?”

Bucky nodded. “Yes, Sir. I think that’s a good idea.”

“Hands behind your back.”

Bucky turned, bringing his hands together behind his back. Steve took Bucky’s tie and bound his wrists, not tightly, he didn’t want to ruin the tie or hurt Bucky. Just enough to keep him from using his hands.

“There we go, now turn back around.”

Bucky did, and Steve resumed his position between Bucky’s legs. “So beautiful,” Steve breathed, running a hand down the flat of Bucky’s stomach and palming him through his slacks. “And already so ready,” he observed. “You feel as hard as I am… as hard as your naughty texts have had me all afternoon.”

Bucky squirmed as Steve ground against him, unable to touch Steve the way Steve was touching him.

Steve mimicked his earlier motions, sliding a finger between the suspender straps and Bucky’s skin. Just skimming his finger from shoulder to waist and back up again.

“Steve,” he said, his teeth biting into the flesh of his bottom lip.

Again Steve hooked a finger under the suspender band and pulled it forward. Like before, he pulled it only a small amount before releasing it. The suspender snapped back against Bucky’s skin, making him gasp. Steve repeated the motion with the other strap, this time pulling it slightly farther before letting it snap back against Bucky’s smooth skin.

And again, pulling the strap forward and letting it snap against Bucky’s skin. Bucky gasped this time, shuddered.

“You like that?” Steve asked, as he snapped the suspenders again, alternating sides each time.

“Yes, I love it, Sir.” Bucky’s eyes were half closed, a wash of pleasure showing on his face.

Steve took a moment, undoing his own tie and setting it aside then removing his own shirt. Pressing their bare chests together, he began kissing Bucky’s jaw, moving his way down to his neck, then onto his shoulders. He stopped there, kissing and nipping at the hollow of Bucky’s collarbone. While his mouth was occupied there, he kept his fingers in play, running them between the suspender bands and Bucky’s skin.

Bucky’s responsiveness to his touch, his kisses never failed to surprise Steve. “You’re so good Bucky,” he said, his words muffled against Bucky’s skin. “But you really were being naughty today.”

“Sir, please. I’m sorry,” Bucky whined.

“For what?” Steve asked, straightening up, curious to hear Bucky’s response.

“For… for making you angry.”

Steve smirked, running a hand down Bucky’s back. “Why do you think I’m angry, Bucky?”

Bucky’s hands clenched and unclenched, working against the loose bonds of his tie. He took a few deep breaths. Finally, he spoke. “Because I was acting inappropriately at work.”

Steve watched Bucky squirm under his gaze. “And why were you doing that?”

“Because… Because I wanted your attention. I couldn’t wait to see you, to be with you. I want you.”

“I understand, Bucky. I do. But you need to learn there’s a time and a place for everything. And I never intended to make a habit out of fucking you in my office.”

Bucky’s eyes were fully open now. He licked his lips, tongue darting out instinctively. “You’re going to fuck me in your office? Here, now?”

“Well, it is my office,” Steve said with a wry smile. He looked down at his tie, sitting on the desk next to them. “You know, I think I’d like to blindfold you this time.” He picked up the tie, smoothing it between his fingers.

“Yes, please, I’d like that.”

Steve nodded and placed his tie across Bucky’s eyes. He tied it loosely, it just needed to stay in place for a short time.  He stepped back then, crossing his arms over his chest.

Bucky really did look beautiful, hands tied behind his back, blindfolded, and those suspenders. Steve bit his lip, reaching out to toy with the suspenders again.

Bucky whimpered as Steve’s thumb traced across his bottom lip, a soft noise escaping his mouth. Keeping one hand on Bucky’s face, Steve snapped the suspender straps again with the other. Bucky gasped and jerked his hips towards Steve, jittery with need.

“Please, Steve, Sir,” Bucky whispered. “I need you.”

Steve laughed  as he leaned down to press his lips against Bucky’s, kissing him sweetly and slowly, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s frame. Bucky pouted when Steve pulled away.

“Don’t pout, you’ll have me. You _have_ me,” he promised.

Steve started undressing himself then, kicking his shoes off before undoing his belt. Out of habit, he slid it from the belt loops of his pants, letting it drop to the floor, the buckle jangling loudly.

He’d gotten his pants undone and pushed down his thighs when Bucky’s voice interrupted him.

“Steve, Sir. Please…”

“Please what, Bucky? Be patient,” he reminded him gently.

“No, please… the belt... can you, would you?”

“You want…” Steve swallowed. “You want me to do what?”

“Your belt,” Bucky pleaded.

“You want me to use my belt on you?”

Bucky nodded, a flush running from his cheeks downward. Steve couldn’t see his eyes, but the rest of Bucky’s body was saying yes. Still, he was hesitant. He much preferred hand on skin for spanking, Steve wasn’t as into using other objects.

Bucky whimpered again. “Please, Sir.”

He hesitated, picking up the belt. He folded it in half and tested the weight of it in his hand. “Turn around and bend over the desk, Bucky.”

Bucky did as he was instructed, turning so that his back was no longer pressed to the edge of Steve’s desk. Instead, his thighs pressed against the solid wood front and he bent over, his chest resting against the top of the desk. His hands were still behind his back, secured with Steve’s tie. He scooted them up his back, making sure they weren’t covering his ass.

Steve brought the belt down across the rounded curve of Bucky’s ass, softly, not as hard as he normally would have spanked with his hand.

Bucky squirmed. “Please, harder, Sir.”

Steve hesitated, bringing the belt down again, with slightly more force this time.

With every stroke of the belt, Bucky grew bolder. “Harder, please, harder,” he kept repeating.

Steve’s confidence wavered; he knew this was Bucky’s idea. He was asking for it, not just because Steve had suggested it. He brought the belt down once more, hard enough to hear a sharp crack, even though it wasn’t meeting bare flesh.

Bucky moaned, pressing against the desk.

The belt fell from between Steve’s fingers. He stepped closer, gathering Bucky in his arms. “I can’t, Bucky… I don’t, I don’t want to bruise you.

Bucky shook his head. "I don’t think you did."

"Bucky, I hit you with my belt, _hard_ —"

"And I liked it," Bucky interrupted softly. "I wanted it, I asked for it, I want you to bruise me, mark me.”

"You do?" Steve shook his head, even though Bucky couldn’t see him. “No, you know what. No more. We can pick up where we were before the belt and I can fuck you over my desk like I wanted to, or we can clean up and leave. But no more hitting.”

Bucky hesitated only a split second. “Fuck me then,” he panted.

Steve pressed himself against Bucky, reaching around to unfasten his pants. He snapped the suspenders against Bucky’s skin one last time before he slid the suspenders from Bucky’s shoulders. Bucky’s pants dropped to the carpet and Steve took a moment to remove his own boxers before tugging Bucky’s down as well.

As he slid Bucky’s boxers down he noticed something nestled in the crack of his ass. “Jesus Bucky, what do we have here?” Steve said with a small gasp.

It was just a small plug, but it explained why Bucky had been squirming earlier, why he’d been so eager.

 "How long have you been wearing this?" Steve asked. “You didn’t even know I’d be back today.”

"All day," Bucky gasped out. "I was missing you, and I decided to wear it, it made me think of you. Reslicked it after lunch, after I knew you were back because I thought maybe you’d fuck me… it's been keeping me ready for you."

“God, you thought of everything.” Steve ran a hand over Bucky’s ass, his finger gently tracing the base of the plug.

Bucky moaned, struggling to hold still. “It’s all for you. Please…”

"Oh, god." Steve carefully pulled the plug out, causing Bucky to hiss. "Sore?" he asked, dropping it to the floor.

"A little,” Bucky admitted. "But not so sore that I don't want you to fuck me."

Steve stepped closer to Bucky, wrapping his hands around Bucky’s hard cock, sliding his hand along the shaft. Bucky’s hips jerked helplessly towards Steve’s touch.

Steve stroked Bucky once more, then took his hand away. “Bend over the desk,” he ordered.

Bucky obeyed instantly, leaning down in a familiar pose, bracing himself.

Steve kneaded Bucky’s skin, where there were marks from the belt, not bruises perhaps, but marks. Bucky wriggled under his touch, willing Steve to get on with it.

Steve wasn’t in a hurry though. He ran his hands up Bucky’s hips, letting his cock slide between Bucky’s legs. He rutted against him, letting him feel how hard he was. Bucky was moaning by the time Steve was good and ready.

Steve drew back his hips and slowly lined up his cock, sliding into Bucky, giving him a chance to get used to the sensation.

“Fuck, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve imagined this,” Bucky said, the words slipping out between moans. His babbling turned into a drawn-out moan as Steve pulled back slowly, dragging his cock along all the right spots.

"This is how I want you." Steve's voice is steady, but threaded with fervor. "Your body mine to wring pleasure out of, every breath, every shudder..."

Bucky didn’t answer, he was breathless already, his chest sliding sweat slick against the papers on Steve’s desk. He was over stimulated, filled, and ready to come undone.

Steve carried on at a slow, smooth pace that had Bucky thrusting back from instinct.

“Sir, fuck,  _now_!" Bucky’s words were desperate, raw and they spurred Steve on.

Steve braced his hands against Bucky’s hips, sealing himself onto Bucky’s sweating back in fast uncoordinated strokes that had Bucky crying out, his hands clenching between them.  He kept going, all of his movements melting into one continuous thrust. Steve knew he was close, he knew they were both close. The breathy moans catching in his throat match the ones coming from Bucky.

Steve’s thoughts blurred as his orgasm gathered, his whole body tensing, just as Bucky tensed around him. Holding himself back, trying to slow his erratic thrusts, just long enough. He didn’t have to wait long, Bucky’s body seemed to take Steve’s cue and soon he was gasping, moaning and quivering as he came all over the side of Steve’s desk. And then Steve let go, let his orgasm rip through his body and came with a silent cry, his body quivering against Bucky.

They were both breathing heavily, Bucky’s body still jerking between Steve and the desk. “Shh, Bucky, you did so good,” Steve whispered against Bucky’s shoulder as he slipped the tie off of his head with shaking fingers.

With those few words, Bucky seemed to come back to reality. Steve untied his wrists, smoothed his hands over Bucky’s arms, and turned him around so he could press soft kisses to his mouth and neck.

As exhausted and giddy as Bucky was, he realized he was leaning heavily on Steve and moved to pull away but Steve wrapped his arms tightly around him not letting him move.

“You were so good,” Steve mumbled into his hair. “Let’s get cleaned up… and then we should talk.”

Bucky let Steve lead him to his private bathroom and Steve made gentle work of washing them both off before returning to the desk. Steve cleaned up and tidied the paperwork as best he could. When Bucky was dressed, he sat in one of the leather chairs and waited for Steve.

Steve dressed and then sat on the edge of the desk and faced Bucky. Every trace of the pleasure they had just shared was gone from his face. “Bucky, we need to talk about the belt,” he said wearily.

“Steve, I told you, I liked it. No, I _loved_ it. You were worried about leaving bruises, but I want you to, I wanted you to go harder, to keep going.”

“That’s just it, Bucky. I know you did. And that scares me. I can’t… I can’t do that. Not to you.”

“Not even if it’s what I want?”

“Not even then. I know we signed an agreement, and the things that you’re uncomfortable with are always off the table. It works both ways, Bucky. We can do spanking, I like using my hands on you, but nothing else.”

Bucky looked down at his shoes contemplatively. “Maybe we aren’t as well matched as we thought then.”

“Bucky, please… it doesn’t mean I don’t love you, that I don’t want you to be my Sub, I just, I have a limit too.”

“I’d better go home then,” Bucky told him, getting to his feet.

Steve wanted to protest, wanted to talk to Bucky, to explain, but Bucky didn’t give him the opportunity. He leaned forward and kissed the corner of Steve’s mouth

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Steve told him squeezing Bucky’s hand as he turned to go.

Bucky nodded and left the office.

Steve watched him go; standing with shaking legs and hoped that things would be easier to talk about in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know if I've overlooked adding any important tags! And thanks for reading!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [lovealetterbomb](http://lovealetterbomb.tumblr.com/)


	7. Nothing’s Left Unturned

On Friday morning, Steve tried to go about his day as usual. But the things that had happened with Bucky the night before made it hard to concentrate. The same way they had made it hard to sleep.

He was in his office, trying to go over some of the things he had missed while he was in California when his line rang with an inter-office call.

“Hello?” he said, glad for the interruption.

“Hey Boss, it’s Nat,” she said. It wasn’t really necessary that she identified herself, Steve would have recognized her voice regardless.

“What can I do for you, Natasha?”

“I’m calling to let you know that Barnes didn’t show up for work today. He didn’t call in sick either.”

 _Shit_. Steve’s heart sank. He rubbed his temple. “Thanks Nat. I’ll deal with it. Anthing else?”

“Nope. So, is it true?”

“Is what true?” Steve asked absentmindedly. His thoughts were on Bucky and where the hell he might be.

“That you and Barnes are an item?”

“Oh. Yeah. It’s true. Talking to Sam, were you?”

“I knew it!” she crowed triumphantly.

“Is there anything else Nat? I’ve got a lot of shit— stuff to catch up on.”

“No, that’s it. Hey, congratulations, Steve.”

“Thanks, Nat,” he said, hanging up the phone. Right, so two things were clear. One, It wouldn’t be long before the whole office knew about his relationship with Bucky and two, if he wasn’t careful he wouldn’t have a relationship with Bucky anymore.

Bypassing texts, he called Bucky’s cell phone. It never rang, just went straight to voicemail. “Hey, it’s Steve. You didn’t come to work today and I’m getting a little worried. Call me, okay? We should talk,” he said after the beep. There wasn’t enough time to tell Bucky what he really wanted to say. To explain the things he needed to explain.

* * * *

Bucky never returned his call and every time Steve tried calling him again, it still went straight to voicemail. He resisted the urge to leave any more messages. If Bucky didn’t want to talk to him then there wasn’t anything he could do. He’d just give him space and hope that Bucky would be alright.

When Steve still hadn’t heard from Bucky by Friday evening he was considering driving to Bucky’s apartment just to check on him. He’d actually made the decision, picked up his keys, and was ready to go when there was a loud banging at his door.

Thump, thud, thump. The sound didn’t let up as Steve peered through the peephole. When he saw it was Bucky, he tossed his keys to the side table and opened the door.

“Bucky! I was just going to go check on you. You never came into work, you never called. You wouldn’t answer my calls. Are you okay?” Because he was so overwhelmed by Bucky standing in his doorway he didn’t immediately notice the state Bucky was in.

“Shit, Steve,” Bucky slurred. “I needed some time to think.” He giggled then, the way only someone who’s really drunk can. “I needed some time to drink.”

As glad as Steve was to see Bucky, as much as he felt relieved, he was still dealing with a very drunk boyfriend on his doorstep. “Come in,” he said, ushering Bucky inside. “How did you get here?”

“Took a cab, don’t worry, ‘m not stupid enough to drive like this,” Bucky said as he fumbled with his jacket, becoming tangled in the sleeves.

Steve helped him out of it, patiently untangling Bucky from the soft leather. Bucky abruptly flopped to the floor and attempted to pry off his boots. Steve crouched down to help him, narrowly avoiding a kick to the shins as Bucky lost his grip on the boot he was pulling at.  “What are you doing here, Bucky,” Steve sighed. At least he could be thankful that Bucky hadn’t attempted to drive in this state.

“Came to see m'boyfriend. 'S what you are, right?”

If you still want me, Steve thought. But what he said was, "Why did you show up on my doorstep drunk?" He helped Bucky stand, not an easy feat because Bucky seemed to have forgotten he had bones and was nearly limp in Steve’s arms.

“Because I didn't want to stay sober and forget. I wanted to get drunk so I could remember.”

Steve led Bucky to the bedroom, from the looks of him, it was a miracle Bucky hadn’t passed out already. “Remember what?” he asked, helping Bucky sit down on the edge of the bed.

“The pain.”

Steve blanched.

“It's a good thing, Steve. You made it a good thing. I wanted it, I still want it. I want you, want more.”

“Jesus, Bucky, how much have you had to drink?” With an arm around his shoulders, he lay Bucky down on the bed. Bucky was too loose, too pliable to protest.

“I don’t know. Not enough. It doesn’t matter, I want you to do things to me. Want you to hurt me, sleep with me. Aren't you going to lay with me,” Bucky pouted.

Steve smiled sadly, tucking Bucky’s legs onto the bed. “No, not when you're like this.” He pulled the blankets up around Bucky's shoulders.

“But you want to.” Bucky’s eyes fluttered as he struggled to keep them open. After a few heavy blinks, they stayed shut.

“I do,” he said, kissing Bucky's temple. “But not to cause you pain. And not when you're drunk.”

He opened his eyes right into Steve’s, and the alcohol that had loosened his tongue didn’t do anything to lessen the intensity of that stare. “I like the pain, Steve,” he said, sounding remarkably coherent. “I didn’t know how much I liked it until I met you. I need you to hurt me, Steve.”

 Bucky’s words made Steve feel dizzy, almost sick to his stomach, but he couldn’t look away. “You’re drunk, Bucky. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.

“You brought me home drunk that first night we were together.” Bucky's eyes were drifting shut, his words slow and slurred.

“I did. And I probably shouldn't have,” Steve looked down at Bucky, who already looked asleep. “But I'm glad I did.”

“Me too,” Bucky said, reaching for Steve's hand.

Steve cradled Bucky's hand in his, "We need to talk, about what happened Buck, but not when you're like this.”

There was no answer from Bucky, his breathing slow and even.

“Shit, Bucky, we're both a mess aren't we,” he whispered, wanting nothing more than to be drunk himself.

Steve didn’t get drunk though. He turned out the lights and he sat in the dark bedroom, watching the soft rise and fall of Bucky’s chest. He watched Bucky sleep until he couldn’t stay awake any longer. He didn’t want to disturb Bucky, who was smack in the middle of the bed, didn’t want to move him. So he stayed in the chair. He’d slept in more uncomfortable places.

* * * *

“Steve? You awake?” Bucky’s voice was rough and low.

Steve jerked awake. His neck was sore from falling asleep in a chair by the side of the bed. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m awake, Bucky,” he said, straightening up and rubbing his neck. “What time is it?” he said half to himself. A glance at the clock told him it was five-thirty in the morning.

“I’m sorry for showing up drunk last night.” Bucky sat up and reached for Steve, his hand brushing against Steve’s knee.

Steve caught Bucky’s fingers with his, squeezing them gently. “How you feelin’ now? You sobered up?”

Bucky swallowed, blinking a few times. “Yeah, unfortunately. I feel like shit. My head hurts, I feel like there’s sandpaper under my eyelids and my stomach is pretty unhappy,” he said, ticking things off on his free hand. “But I’m ready for that talk you said we need to have.”

Steve tensed. “You don’t want to get cleaned up and have some breakfast first?”

 “Don’t talk about food,” Bucky groaned.  “No, I don’t want to put it off anymore. We’re not doing either of us any good keeping secrets.” He grimaced. “Can I get a glass of water first though?”

Steve sighed. Bucky had a point. If he had told him about Peggy up front, maybe things wouldn’t be this twisted up. “I’ll be right back,” he said. Taking his time, he got a glass of water from the kitchen and brought it back to Bucky.

Bucky accepted the water with a nod of thanks. He sipped it carefully then rested it in his lap, fingers tracing the rim of the glass.

Steve settled back into the chair beside the bed. He brought his hands together in his lap, nervously lacing his fingers together. “I told you about my sub before, the one who got me into this? Her name was Peggy and she was, is, a beautiful woman. She was smart and sweet and she helped me through a lot of rough times. I told you it was her idea; she was the one who got me into being a Dom. That’s true and I don’t regret it at all. We started things out slow; we discussed what I was comfortable with, what she wanted. We both loved the things we did together. I knew she liked me to take control, obviously.”

Bucky shot him a look that said “no shit.”

“What I didn’t know, for the longest time,” Steve continued, “was that she wanted more than that. She wanted me to do things to her that I can only describe as sadistic. It happened so gradually, the things she’d ask me to do, beg me to do. I only knew that she was changing. And it was changing me. That alone was terrifying. But I loved her and I wanted to make her happy. So I did what she asked, I took things where she wanted me to take them.”

Bucky furrowed his brows. “So, what happened? You said, what did you tell me, that you guys ended things because she wanted what you couldn’t give her? So does that mean you dumped her?”

The unspoken question hung in the air between them, what Bucky was really asking was if Steve had dumped Peggy for enjoying the pain, the way Bucky enjoyed the pain.

“I didn’t dump her, no. I should have told her no. I should have let her know I wasn’t comfortable doing what she wanted me to do. But I was younger and stupid. I guess I’m the kind of person who wears their heart on their sleeve, Bucky. I fell so hard for her, so fast. Like I did with you. And I fucked things up, big time. No, we both fucked them up, I can’t lay all the blame on myself.”

“What about us, Steve, have we fucked things up?”

Steve shook his head. “I don’t know, Bucky. I hope not. But you did show up drunk at my door and I know you’re the one who decided to skip work and then get shitfaced, but I know it’s because of me, because of what I said, what I did. And how is that supposed to be good for you?”

“Steve, I made a bad decision. It was shitty of me to walk out on you like I did and even shittier that I showed up here drunk. I should have come and talked to you instead of getting drunk but I can’t change that now. So, tell me, what happened then?”

“She kept asking me, when we’d scene. To hurt her more, use different things to hit her, to cause her pain. She really got off on it. And the scary part was, that after awhile, I did too. And then one night things got out of hand. She kept begging me to hit her harder, she was screaming for it. So I did, and Bucky, god, I don’t even know what happened. It was a mess. At the end of it all, she was bruised and bleeding and shit, she probably should have gone to the hospital. I cleaned her up the best I could, but she refused to let me take her to the ER.”

Bucky’s face had gone pale, but he held Steve’s hand, staring into his face.

“She wasn’t upset, she wasn’t mad, the thing was Bucky, I’d never seen her happier. And that was when I knew we were done. It scared me, I scared myself. And I couldn’t be that person, I couldn’t be the one to do that to her. So I left. I left her.”

It was raw and it was honest and Steve wished he had told Bucky all of this up front, or that it had never happened. His throat was tight and he sat there, waiting, letting Bucky digest what he had said.

“You have to understand,” Steve said defensively. “It was the hardest thing I ever did. I loved her so much, and I thought we would be together forever.”

Seconds passed, turned into minutes. “Steve,” Bucky finally said. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. Am I supposed to tell you it’s all going to be okay? I wish I could turn off that switch, I wish I could stop wanting you to hurt me. And tell you that it won’t be like that, that I won’t be like her. But I can’t promise that Steve.”

Steve could feel tears pricking at his eyes. “I know, I know that.”

“But Steve, what I can tell you is that I love you,” Bucky said, squeezing Steve’s hand.

“Jesus, Bucky, do you know how fucking stupid I felt saying ‘I love you’ to you when I did? Like I’m some kind of idiot falling in love at the drop of a hat. But I haven’t said it to anyone since Peggy, I’ve never said it to anyone besides her, until you. And just the idea that you took it in stride, and you told me you loved me back… it made me feel like maybe, just maybe I could do this again, find someone and let them into my heart. But you know what the stupid thing is Bucky,” he asked. “The stupid thing is, I already let you into my heart, you have my heart now, Bucky. And now you probably hate me.”

Bucky shook his head, sitting up in the bed. “No, Steve. I don’t hate you.”

Steve sniffled slightly and ran his sleeve over his cheeks trying to stop the tears. "You have every right to though. I never should have asked you to do any of this with me—"

Bucky huffed. "Steve, will you shut up."

Steve nodded.

“Steve, it’s a two-way street. I had some idea of what I was getting into when I agreed to start this with you. I don’t regret it.” Steve could tell Bucky tried to choose his words carefully .“ I don’t… I don’t want to be like that, to make you hate me. But I don’t know if I can change what I like, if I can turn that off.

Steve’s heart caught in his throat. He drew a deep breath.  “I could never hate you, Bucky. I don’t hate Peggy. If anything, I hate myself.”

Setting the glass of water on the night stand, Bucky tugged Steve’s arm, pulling him halfway off the chair. “Jesus, Steve, don’t hate yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. Not with me. I’m not Peggy. It doesn’t have to be like that.”

Steve let himself slide from the chair onto the bed, folded himself around Bucky and just held on. It was so different from their usual dynamic. This time Bucky was comforting him, he was the one who felt lost and unsure.

Bucky turned, rolled so they were facing each other and looked at Steve. Steve couldn’t help it, but his eyes filled with tears once more.

"Steve, please..." Bucky said, almost whispering. "Don't cry... It hurts to see you cry."

Steve sucked in a breath and turned his face away. He felt like an idiot as the tears he’d been holding back spilled down his cheeks. “Bucky, I’ve broken every personal rule I’ve ever had with you. Don’t get involved with someone at work, don’t fall too fast. Jesus, I said I love you so damn soon I’m surprised you didn’t run.”

Bucky’s grasp was firm but still gentle as he guided Steve’s face back towards his. “Shh, Steve, just shh. I’m glad you told me you loved me. I love you. You are exactly what I need.” He wiped away the tears that ran down Steve’s cheeks, soothing and comforting Steve with his light touch. Bucky pressed his forehead to Steve’s and just held him there.

“I’ve fucked things up since day one, Bucky,” Steve whispered. “I fell for you too fast, too hard and too fast and I asked you to be my Sub and I never should have even taken you out or taken you home.”

“Steve, stop. I don’t regret any of it. I’m here with you now, I’m here and I’m glad we’re together. I’m glad you took me out that night, that you took me home. Now would you just please be quiet so I can kiss you.”

Bucky started by pushing Steve’s hair back from his forehead, then worked his fingers along Steve’s brow, tracing the outline of Steve’s face from his cheekbone, his jaw, his chin. He kissed him gently on the lips, curling curled into Steve, clutching at his shirt to pull him closer.

Bucky put his arms around Steve, holding Steve’s head to his shoulder, burying his face in Steve’s hair. Steve just closed his eyes, breathing in the warm air between them, trying to tamp down the thoughts of what had happened and what might have been. As safe and right as this felt with Bucky, right here and right now, he couldn’t shake the irrational fear that history would repeat itself and that made him hold Bucky all the more tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know if I've overlooked adding any important tags! And thanks for reading!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [lovealetterbomb](http://lovealetterbomb.tumblr.com/)


	8. Obsession It Takes Control

Steve woke later that morning, Saturday afternoon to be accurate, to find himself alone in bed. A note on the pillow told him that Bucky had gone out to find them breakfast. It was after lunchtime but it didn’t matter, because when Bucky came back with orange juice and croissants, it was more than just a meal, it was a gesture, a peace offering.

They ate in bed together and when it came time to make the choice between getting up or falling back to sleep in the crumbs, Steve finally, reluctantly left the bed.

It wasn't until he was dressed that he realized Bucky was still in his clothes from the day before.

“I guess I should go home and change,” Bucky said after Steve pointed this out.

“Only if you want. I’ve maybe got some things here you could wear.”

Bucky laughed at that, the idea of wearing Steve’s clothing. “I’d look like I shrunk. You’d probably do better wearing _my_ clothing,” he joked. “It would probably look like someone had painted a shirt on you, but somehow I think that would be a good look for you.”

“Do you want me to drive you back to your apartment?” Steve asked. “If you want you can get some clean clothes and we can come back here.”

He half thought Bucky might invite him to stay with him, at his apartment, maybe even suggest that Steve get some clothes to take a long instead. But he didn’t.

“Sure. If you want me around for the rest of the weekend, I’d like that.” Bucky smiled.

The drive to Bucky’s apartment was quiet, Steve concentrated on finding the unfamiliar address, Bucky telling him where to turn.

Inside, Steve was surprised. Bucky’s apartment was sparsely decorated, barely furnished. What was there was very nice, the little amount of furniture he had appeared brand new. But the walls were bare and still painted a flat, off-white color.

Seeing Steve take in his minimal décor, Bucky shrugged. “I’m not much of a decorator.” He left Steve standing in the living room while he grabbed some things from the bedroom.

It wasn’t that Bucky didn’t have any decorating skills. It just looked so impersonal, so… unlived in. There was nothing of Bucky’s personality in the apartment. It was a stark contrast to Steve’s apartment. He wasn’t much of a decorator either, but he’d hung pictures, painted, filled his apartment with things he liked, things that reflected his life.

Bucky emerged from the bedroom in clean clothes, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “Am I still invited back to your place for the weekend?

“Of course. In fact, I was just thinking, why don’t you get some clothes for work on Monday too.” Taking in Bucky’s puzzled expression, he added. “If you want. I mean, I’m asking if you’d like to spend the _whole_ weekend with me.”

“Course I would,” Bucky said, already halfway back to the bedroom. He returned in less than a minute, the duffel bag fuller than before.

“Ready to go?”

“Absolutely.”                                                                            

* * * *

On Saturday evening, rather than eating take-out or trying to cook themselves, Steve decided that they should go out on a proper date. Something they hadn’t actually done before. Steve chose a small bistro, a few blocks from his apartment. They entered the restaurant and were quickly seated by the hostess. Saturday was a busy night for dining out, but they didn’t have to wait long for a table.

After the waitress took their orders and they were finally alone, Steve smiled, reaching across the table to take Bucky’s hand. “I’m glad we’re getting to do this.” His skin tingled when they made contact and suddenly his confidence faltered.  “Go out together in public. As a couple.”

Bucky extricated his hand from Steve’s. “If I was smart I would have asked you out for dinner in the first place. Done things right from the start…” he said haltingly, looking down at his lap.

“You would have?” Steve asked, leaning in closer so that he could hear Bucky’s quiet voice over the noise of the other diners.

“From the moment I walked into your office I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I never planned on making a move, but I guess you could say I ended up doing that anyway.”

Steve smiled encouragingly. He had no explanation why things felt so easy with Bucky. As much as the way they had gotten involved was somewhat unorthodox, he couldn’t pretend to find it flattering knowing that Bucky had been attracted to him since day one.

Bucky looked down again, almost shyly. “I don’t want to screw things up with you, Steve. I just… I’m glad for what we have.”

“I’m glad too.” Steve couldn’t help but be grateful, things between them could have gone a lot differently. Still could.

Their dinners arrived and throughout the meal, Bucky looked as nervous as Steve felt. They knew so little about each other, but the conversation came easily as Steve told him how he had come up with the idea for Star-Spangled Security and had actually gotten it off the ground. Bucky listened intently even though most of what Steve told him was public knowledge.

 Bucky talked about himself, about his childhood, his sister. They both avoided talking about the time they served in the Army, but Steve was reminded just how easy Bucky was to talk to. He listened, staying quiet while Steve talked about any topic jumped to but when Steve turned the conversation to Bucky, he still managed to impress him with his insight and wit. They found that both of them had lost their parents, Steve at a young age, Bucky’s loss more recent. Steve talked of being an only child, something else he was sure Bucky knew and then Bucky talked about his younger sister. When Bucky answered vaguely as to his sister’s whereabouts, Steve suspected it wasn’t avoidance but more that Bucky himself didn’t actually know.

They ended up talking for so long that by the time they finished dessert, which Steve had only ordered because he wasn’t ready for the date to end, most of the restaurant was empty. Steve paid the check, even though Bucky protested.

“I was the one that asked you out,” Steve reminded him, squeezing his hand. Bucky stopped arguing after that.

When they walked out of the restaurant, Steve forgot for a moment that they weren’t saying goodbye.

The parking lot was eerily quiet after the chaos of the restaurant.

“I, thanks again, for everything I mean. I had a wonderful time tonight.” Steve said, as he and Bucky got into the car.

“No, thank you, Steve,” Bucky replied. For a second, that curling smile that Steve loved so much was back on his face.

They went home from their date. Their first real date if you didn’t count that first night when Steve had taken Bucky out for drinks. It was late, the day had been long, and all Steve wanted to do was fall into bed. Bucky was hesitant, almost shy when they undressed for bed.  Both of them were a little wary, there was tentativeness between them that wasn’t there before. The trust they had in each other, Steve in Bucky and Bucky in Steve, wasn’t gone, but it needed mending.

Steve lay on his side of the bed, waiting for Bucky to join him in bed. When he did, he slid under the sheets, laying an arms-length away from Steve.

Steve rolled onto his side, facing Bucky. “You gonna stay all the way over there?” he asked.

Bucky considered this for a moment. “You want me to?”

Steve shook his head, the pillowcase rustling under him. “No, unless you’d rather.”

Bucky swallowed, and then smiled. “Are you ordering me to cuddle with you?”

Steve exhaled in a rush. “No, not tonight, Bucky. Tonight I’m asking.”

Bucky smiled again, scooted closer.

Steve put his arm around Bucky, draping it over his side.

“Steve Rogers,” Bucky said. “A hopeless romantic with a dirty mind.”

One side of Steve’s mouth lifted in a half smile. “Can’t deny it.  I want to kiss you where it hurts, but I also want to kiss you until it hurts. Tonight I think I just want to kiss you.”

“So kiss me then,” Bucky said.

 

* * * *

They spent the rest of the weekend just getting to know each other, really learning about one another. Steve had to admit, it was nice not to have Bucky leave him on Sunday afternoon. It was even nicer to wake up with him on Monday morning. And to know they could arrive at work together, walk into the office together and it wouldn’t matter.

While inviting Bucky back into his office had the potential to trigger bad memories, Steve still had something he wanted to try. A little something up his sleeve, so to speak. He’d once told Bucky that there would be no shenanigans at the office, nothing to interfere with their work. That didn’t mean he’d never daydreamed about breaking those rules. Had broken those rules, and that hadn’t worked out well. But that was his own personal rule, not anything contracted, and he had an _idea_ , something he was confident Bucky would love too.

“Sam,” he said into the intercom. “I’ve got a conference call this afternoon; would you please let Mr. Barnes know I’d like him to come sit in on that call?”

“Sure thing, Cap. The call’s scheduled for three, do you need him there a little early?”

Steve thought for a second. “Actually yes, have him come over at quarter of, would you Sam?”

“Absolutely. You need anything else?” Sam asked.

“No, that’s all,” he told him.

* * * *

Bucky showed up right on time, haltingly stepping into Steve’s office.

“Come in, Bucky. Please.” Steve said. He pushed his chair back from his desk, but made no move to stand up.

Bucky sat in one of the chairs opposite the desk, waiting to see why Steve wanted him there. “You really need my help on this call?”

Steve shook his head. “Not really. I do need your help with something though.”

“What is it?” Bucky frowned, looking confused.

“Smile, Bucky, it’s the second best thing you could do with your mouth.”

Bucky’s pupils dilated, he licked his lips. “Are you asking me what I think you’re asking me?”

“I thought that we could try _something_ ,” he said, placing emphasis on his last word.

Bucky leaned forward, clearly interested in what Steve had to say.

“I thought that while I took the conference call, you might… provide me with some entertainment.” Steve reached across the desk, running a hand down Bucky’s arm. “I thought we might make some better memories in my office.”

Steve sat back in the leather desk chair, legs spread. He tried to look relaxed as he threw his arms over the back of the chair and watched Bucky. Bucky came around the desk, looking as eager as ever. He stopped just in front of Steve’s chair and knelt at his feet. Steve stroked Bucky’s cheek with the back of his hand, lightly, earning a catlike smile from Bucky.

Bucky bent his head and nuzzled Steve’s thigh with his cheek. Steve said nothing, wanting to see what Bucky would do. In a few moments, Bucky began rubbing his cheek along Steve’s crotch.

Finally Steve broke the silence, his soft laughter echoing in the quiet office “That what you want, Buck? To get started already? Go on then. Take it out. Play with it if you want."

Bucky wasted no time in lowering Steve’s fly, unbuttoning the button on his slacks with nimble fingers. Steve obliged him by lifting his hips slightly as Bucky slid down his pants.

There was a small groan from Bucky as Steve’s cock popped into view.

“You’re not wearing any underwear?”

Steve shook his head. “Nope, looks like I forgot them when I got dressed this morning. What do you think?”

“I think,” Bucky said, licking his lips. “You should do that more often.”

Steve fought to keep the excitement out of his voice. “Do you remember the first time you blew me?”

Bucky exhaled, a throaty sound that sent a shiver through Steve. “I- yeah, I do.”

“I remember you were pretty drunk,” Steve said pointedly. “But it was still a fucking spectacular blow job.”

Bucky actually had the nerve to blush, smiling as he ducked his head, which was even more thrilling because that put his mouth all that much closer to Steve’s growing erection.

Bucky ran his tongue over the slit and Steve knew he was tasting pre-come. A groan came out of his throat like a shudder as Bucky took him into his mouth.

“Bucky, you were made for this,” Steve moaned. “Born to suck cock. Jesus, look at that mouth.”

Scooting his chair forward, Steve let Bucky arrange himself under the desk. He thought it was a shame that he couldn’t see him as well that way, but there was less of a chance of anyone else seeing him if they were to come into the office.

It was perfect timing, Steve inhaled sharply, canting his hips towards Bucky’s mouth just as his phone rang. He took a deep breath to steady himself before answering, as Bucky bobbed his head sending tingles of pleasure rippling up his spine.

 “This is Steve Rogers” he said, positioning the phone between his ear and shoulder. “Yes, I’ve been looking forward to speaking to you as well.”

He evened his breathing, trying not to pant as he tangled the fingers of his free hand in Bucky’s dark strands. As he listened to the voice on the other end of the line, he thrust up and into Bucky’s mouth with hard, rapid movements. He kept the conversation leisurely, the pace slow. He was in no hurry.

As the minutes passed, Steve was grateful that he was on the phone and not a video conference. He may have been able to keep his voice under control, but his facial expression were another matter entirely. “No, I think we can absolutely arrange that. I can have that paperwork over-nighted to you. Yes, that’s right.”

Bucky took all of his length, moaning softly and sucking as he went.  He stuck his tongue out, circled the head of Steve’s cock with it, and then licked the bottom of the shaft all the way down to his balls. He sucked them for a bit and then moved his tongue along Steve’s rigid cock before taking it between his lips again.

“Have you asked your business partner what he thinks?” Steve asked, reclining in his chair. “I’ll gladly make a call to him, if you’d like,” he added after a minute, spreading his legs to allow Bucky more room. He almost chuckled when he heard Bucky huff impatiently as he showed no sign of ending the call.

Bucky’s head bobbed faster, his mouth sliding sinfully along Steve’s cock and the sensations started to get to him. He could feel his orgasm building and as much as he was enjoying it, he wanted to make it good for Bucky too.

He pulled on the strands of Bucky’s hair, letting his fingers catch and tug from the roots up. Bucky looked up at Steve through dark lashes, his mouth stretched wide as he took Steve in as far as he could. It wasn’t enough, he wanted more.

“I can have my assistant check and make sure those dates are available,” Steve said. He kept his fingers in Bucky’s hair, running them through the strands, tugging, pulling. He could tell from the way Bucky reacted, his mouth and hands working feverishly, that he loved it.

Hitting the mute button on the phone, he whispered to Bucky, “Not yet. Slow down. You have to wait until the call is over.”

Bucky did as he was told, his hands slowly stroking up and down Steve’s thighs. Slow didn’t help though and Steve barely bit back a groan as he let his head fall back against the chair. He’d let the call go on long enough, extending it well after the actual business portion was done.

“Well, listen. I hope we can make this deal work. No, I’m glad we had the chance to talk. Why don’t I have my assistant get back to your assistant and we’ll plan that trip.” Steve was finding it harder to talk, harder to keep his breathing under control. “Alright, you too. Goodbye.” He let the receiver clatter onto the base, reaching down to grasp Bucky’s head with both hands.

Steve whimpered, tensed, thighs trembling, as Bucky’s mouth sucked with vacuum-like intensity.  Blood thundered in his ears as the sensation built, starting low in his belly and spreading throughout his body. Bucky continued his frantic pace, trying to wring out every ounce of his ecstasy, trying to get Steve to give in. So he did, he didn’t hold back anymore, his hands tightened on Bucky’s hair and Steve came, spilling down Bucky’s throat.

Rewarded, having given Steve what he’d asked for, Bucky swallowed, mouth and tongue still working Steve gently. Minutes later, he still tried to catch his breath, gripping the edge of the desk with one hand. Bucky still nuzzled his cock, whimpering quietly. Steve patted his head with fondness, pulling him away gently and smiled down at him. "Good boy. I knew you would be so good at that, Bucky." Steve stroked Bucky’s head, carding his fingers through his hair. He knew Bucky loved when he did that. He swiped his thumb along the corner of Bucky’s mouth, just grazing his swollen lips.

Bucky looked up at him, his eyes full of need. Shakily he got off his knees, pressing a palm to the bulge in his pants. “I just need a minute and then I’ll go back to my desk,” he said.

Quickly tucking himself away and zipping up his pants, Steve pulled Bucky towards him, into his lap. “What would you say to your boss giving you the rest of the afternoon off?” he asked.

Bucky smiled, shook his head. “I’ll be fine to go back to my desk, Sir.” After a second’s thought he added, “Steve.”

Steve stroked Bucky’s back, just holding him in his lap. After a moment, he brought one hand up and let it rest on the back of Bucky’s neck. “No, I mean what if we both took the rest of the afternoon off.”

Bucky’s eyebrows shot up, his eyes widening. “I thought you had a lot of work to do?”

“I just put you at the top of my to-do list,” Steve said squeezing Bucky’s knee.

“What are you going to tell everyone else in the office though?” Bucky asked him, leaning into Steve’s shoulder.

“You’ll see.”

Steve kept his arm around Bucky and reached for the intercom button.

“Sam?”

“Yes,” came Sam’s voice a second later.

“Do I have anything on my schedule for the rest of the day today?”

There was a pause as Sam checked. “Just a meeting with Natasha at 4,” Sam told him.

“Nat can wait until tomorrow,” Steve said to Bucky. To Sam he said, “Let Nat know I’m rescheduling her until tomorrow. I’m going to be out of the office for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Sure thing, Cap. What should I tell her when she asks why you changed the meeting? Because you _know_ she’ll ask.”

Steve winked at Bucky as he answered. “Tell her that my boyfriend isn’t feeling well and I’m going to take him home so I can take care of him.”

Sam was still chuckling when he came back over the intercom. “Will do. You make sure you don’t get sick too.”

“Don’t worry, Sam, I don’t think what he has is contagious.”

Steve waited a few minutes for Bucky to regain his composure. He was still shaky, but it wasn’t as obvious what they had been up to when Steve escorted him out of his office and out of the building. If anything, Bucky’s still erratic breathing and shaky legs did make him seem sick.

Once they were alone again in Steve’s car, he gave Bucky more praise. “That was really spectacular. You took care of me so well, Bucky. Did just like I asked.”

He stroked Bucky’s arm, steering with one hand, and was rewarded with a contented smile from Bucky. Moving his hand up Bucky’s arm, across his jaw, Steve ran his fingers across Bucky’s lips. Bucky opened his mouth, taking Steve’s fingers in, wetting them thoroughly before he parted the two fingers, dragging his tongue between them.

The rest of the ride home he sucked Steve’s fingers eagerly, moaning around them. Steve kept his concentration on the road, but when he stopped for traffic lights he looked over at Bucky every time, murmuring how pleased he was with him.

Bucky whimpered at the loss of Steve’s fingers in his mouth when they had to separate to leave the car and enter Steve’s apartment. Once they were inside though, it was a different story. They were alone, no co-workers outside the doors, not inside a car. Alone.

“You were so good for me,” Steve said, kissing Bucky, feeling Bucky’s swollen lips on his. “Now I’m going to take care of you. Couch or bed?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know if I've overlooked adding any important tags! And thanks for reading!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [lovealetterbomb](http://lovealetterbomb.tumblr.com/)


	9. Purpose Or Lack Thereof

Eight weeks later, Steve sat in the airport, waiting for his flight home. He’d just finished up another week in LA, another routine business trip. He was looking forward to getting home, sleeping in his own bed. Sleeping beside Bucky again. In the almost three months since he’d first taken Bucky out for drinks, just to talk, so much had changed in his life. In both their lives.

Looking back, he knew they had rushed things, taken risks and acted foolishly. Both of them had. But after that weekend, the incident in his office where Bucky had realized that Steve had hard limits too.

It had been good, in a way. It made it easier for Steve to open up, to tell Bucky about his past. And it had forced them both to take things slower, to get to know each other more outside of the bedroom. He still felt like there were things Bucky wasn’t being completely open with him about but he hoped that eventually Bucky would feel comfortable enough to share them.

When he boarded his flight home, he tried to get comfortable enough to sleep. He knew Bucky would be eager to see him, they’d both missed each other. And Steve had picked up a few surprises for Bucky, for both of them, on his trip.

* * * *

His flight landed early Friday evening and Bucky met him at the airport this time. This week apart had been different from the first. Not that they hadn’t missed each other just as much, they had, but both of them knew that their reunion would be worth the time apart.

They went straight to Steve’s apartment and it was only seconds after the door shut behind them that he kissed Bucky. They kissed with affection and warmth, longing. The kiss said, “Hello, I missed you. Let me show you how much.” Slowly, it changed to something more heated, full of lust. Steve's hands were busy at Bucky's waist, pushing his pants down lower around Bucky's ass, and then off. Bucky stepped out of them and pulled him towards the bed.

It would have been easy just to go along with it. To let things happen as they happened. Over the last few weeks, they’d spent time together, had sex together when it wasn’t Steve being a Dom and Bucky being his Sub, but just enjoying each other. But he wanted to give Bucky all he could, so he pulled away. "I picked up some things… something for you on my trip,” he said.

Bucky's eyes lit up. "Oh, really? Is that what you were shopping for when I called you the other afternoon?"

Steve chuckled. In some ways, Bucky was _easy—_ he loved presents it seemed. "Yes, it was. And trying to keep it a secret wasn’t easy, let me tell you."

"Oh?"

Steve went quickly back to the living room where he had dropped his bags. Pulling out a wrapped package, he took a deep breath and then walked back to the bed and handed it over to Bucky.

Bucky was serious as he took it. His eyes were locked on Steve's face as he tore the plain brown wrapper, only looking down when it was lying open on his lap. "Oh,” he breathed. “This is something new.”

For a split second Steve wasn’t sure whether the gift was appreciated or not. Then a wide grin broke over Bucky’s face, curling the corners of his mouth upward. Bucky looked down at the package in his lap, before picking up the larger of the two items. When he lifted it, holding it out for Steve, his hand was shaking. "How did you know?" he asked softly.

"I watched you. I always watch you," said Steve truthfully. "I wasn't wrong?" he asked, wanting to hear it from Bucky's mouth.

"You weren't wrong," said Bucky, still holding his hand out towards Steve. "Please?"

Steve’s eyes were on Bucky, just taking in the man before him.

"Steve," Bucky said in a breathy voice. "Sir. Please?"

Grabbing the slender piece of leather, Steve wrapped it around Bucky's neck, loving the look of bliss that crossed his face. Bucky's eyes fluttered shut as the collar went on and he moaned softly. Gently he lowered Bucky's head back down onto the pillow and looked over him.

Leaning down, he kissed Bucky on the lips, softly with just enough pressure to be insistent. Bucky gasped and opened his mouth, encouraging Steve to deepen the kiss, which he did happily.

While kissing, he ran his hands over Bucky's arms, then down to his chest, stroking and petting. Sliding his hands under Bucky’s shirt, he slid it up, off his arms and tugged it over Bucky’s head. When his chest was bare, he moved his hands across Bucky’s chest, slowly exploring, feeling. He tweaked Bucky's nipples, feeling them swell under his fingertips.

Below him, Bucky shook and moaned, arching up into Steve's hands.

"Shh," said Steve. "We’re just getting started. Be patient."

Bucky's eyes were so dilated that there was only the barest ring of blue-gray visible. "I don’t want to be patient,” he said. "Sir, I just want you to fuck me, please.”

Ignoring Bucky’s pleas, Steve lowered his mouth to Bucky's nipples, loving the responsive noises his tongue and lips drew from Bucky’s throat. He alternated nipples, changing sides frequently, his mouth staying busy as his hands worked to undo Bucky’s pants.

When Bucky was lifting his hips every time Steve touched him, he drew his hands along Bucky’s sides, sliding his pants and boxers off and down his legs. He slid his hands back up and over Bucky’s legs, fingers just brushing the underside of Bucky's cock as he reached his inner thighs.

Bucky cried out hoarsely. "Okay, that's enough, Steve. I need you to fuck me."

Steve chuckled again. “Did you forget about this?” he asked, reaching for the other item in the discarded package.

"You kinky bastard," moaned Bucky. "Please, Sir."

“I thought you just wanted me to fuck you," said Steve, teasing. He stood, stripping his own clothes. “Don’t worry, I will fuck you. First though, I have other plans." Reaching into the nightstand and grabbing the lube in his other hand, he crawled over one of Bucky's legs and knelt between them. “Let’s get you slick,” he said softly. “How many fingers, Bucky?”

“Two, start with two,” Bucky told him.

Applying the lube to his fingers, he slid two inside Bucky. Steve groaned at the way that Bucky clenched around his fingers, so warm and soft.

Bucky moaned, and Steve couldn't help it. He had to lean forward and kiss him. As he fingered Bucky, he continued to kiss him until he wasn't quite so tight around Steve's fingers. Pulling back, he slid down Bucky's body until his mouth was even with Bucky’s cock. Leaning down, swirling his tongue around the head, he held up his other hand. The one containing the second item from the package he had given Bucky.

He dangled it there, the string of beads, waiting for Bucky to see it. When he finally did, Bucky’s body gave a small tremble. “Green,” he said enthusiastically.

Steve slowly withdrew his fingers from Bucky’s hole. He was already slicked up and open and it was a beautiful sight. Pushing the first bead against Bucky's entrance, Steve smiled to himself. Bucky was going to love this. He brought his mouth down, over Bucky’s cock, sucking his length slowly.

The small, round bead popped through, and Bucky jerked under his mouth. While he was still reacting to the first, Steve pushed the second in.

Bucky shifted, and then moaned as the two beads moved inside him. "Please.”

Lifting his mouth off Bucky's cock, Steve asked, "Please what?"

"More please, Sir," said Bucky. "Please."

"Just relax," said Steve. "It’s only going to get better.”

"O – okay," Bucky said, squirming a bit more.

Steve resumed sucking, using his tongue to distract Bucky as he pushed the third and fourth beads inside. They got progressively larger as the string progressed and there were a total of six in all

As the last one went in, Bucky whimpered. Steve didn't stop sucking. Instead, he sucked harder, bobbing his head up and down until Bucky was panting like he was close. Steve took as much of Bucky's cock, moving his lips and tongue over Bucky’s shaft, coaxing him, trying to see how fast he could make him come.

"Sir, please, ‘m gonna – gonna –" Bucky was already a babbling mess and at those words, Steve pulled on the string, tugging at the beads.

Bucky cried out as the beads came out, each one a shock to his system, his cock pulsing in Steve's mouth. Steve swallowed through Bucky's orgasm, gently bringing him down.

When Bucky had finished and had practically melted into a puddle on the bed, Steve moved his mouth off Bucky, kneeling before him. He grasped his own cock, stroking its length as Bucky watched.

Bucky looked at Steve through his eyelashes. "Inside me," he said softly. "Please?"

Steve didn’t need to be asked. Only wanted to make sure Bucky was really still with him. “Color?” he asked, still stroking himself.

“Green,” Bucky said, enunciating carefully.

Leaning forward, Steve lined his cock up with Bucky's hole and pushed in gently. Moaning, Bucky arched his back, and Steve surged forward, sliding in even further. As Steve sunk in, he clenched the bedding with his hands around Bucky’s hips, trying to slow himself down. Trying to make it last.

Within minutes, he was thrusting wildly, groaning. Steve buried his face between against Bucky’s chest, licking the sweat slick skin there, pressing open-mouthed kisses to the curve of his muscles. It wasn’t long before Bucky was hard again, pressing against Steve's belly. He kept his movements steady, slow and purposeful until Bucky’s erection was too much to ignore. "Bucky, can you – you think you can come again?"

"Please, yes,” he moaned…” Don’t stop, Sir. Just keep fucking. Green,” he pleaded

It was hard for Steve to maintain the same pace, but he really wanted to see and feel Bucky come apart around him. So he forced himself to move slowly and wrapped one hand around Bucky's cock, stroking to the same rhythm.

It didn't take long before Bucky came, writhing and arching as a thin stream of come pumped over Steve's hand. He clenched tight around Steve's cock, pulling his orgasm from him.

It was hard not to just collapse on top of Bucky, but he managed to roll next to him, clutching Bucky close.

"Thank you," he murmured. "That was awesome."

"So I did good?" Bucky asked, needing to hear it.

"You did do good, you were perfect,” Steve praised him. "Just relax, let me hold you." Steve shifted so that his head was resting on Bucky's shoulder. “Let me take the collar off you now,” he said, his words pressed against Bucky’s skin.

“Leave it,” Bucky drawled. “Just for awhile longer.”

Sighing contentedly, Steve ran a finger along the soft leather. In a little while, he’d have to get up and run them a bath, and they still hadn’t eaten dinner, but for now he just wanted to hold Bucky close.

After he’d recovered enough to stand, Steve rose, helping Bucky up with him. He unbuckled the collar, leaving it on the bed to put away later. Bucky just stood, putty in Steve’s arms. He sagged against the press of Steve’s hand, and Steve could feel him tremble in his arms, but the weight of him wasn’t too much, Bucky helped all he could.

Leading Bucky into the bathroom, Steve helped him sit on the closed toilet seat. He ran a bath, making sure the water was warm, but not too hot. As the tub filled, he added bath oils: a blend of rose, geranium, and citrus, swirling the water with his hands. When the water reached a good level he helped Bucky in, shutting off the tap. He didn’t want the bath to overflow when he joined Bucky.

He wasn’t sure when the idea had first struck him but at that moment Steve decided he was going to ask Bucky to move in with him. It made sense; they spent all their free time together anyway. Always at Steve’s apartment, never Bucky’s. He wasn’t sure how Bucky would react, but he was hoping he would say yes. He wanted to slide into the tub, wrap his arms around Bucky, and ask his boyfriend to move in with him.

Just as he was about to step inside, he heard a phone ring from the bedroom. It wasn’t his phone, he didn’t recognize the ringtone.

“Bucky, I think your phone is ringing, you want me to get it for you?”

Bucky had already settled into the warm, fragrant water, relaxing against the back of the tub. “Sure, go ahead,” he said with a wave of his hand.

Steve ducked into the bedroom fishing Bucky’s phone from his pants pocket. “Hello,” he answered.

“Barnes,” came a voice over the line. “That you?”

“No,” Steve answered slowly. “This is a… his—”

“Is Barnes there?” The man on the other end said abruptly. “I don’t care who you are, I need to speak to James Barnes.”

“Hold on a moment,” Steve said, trying to maintain a level of politeness. “Can I tell him who’s calling?”

“Yeah,” came the voice again. “Tell him it’s Barton.”

Steve walked back to the bathroom, phone held by his side. “Bucky. You need to take this,” he said.

“Why, who is it? Bucky looked startled as he lifted a hand out of the sweetly scented water.

Steve handed him the phone, passing it off carefully, not wanting to drop it in the water.

Bucky took the phone, putting it to his ear. “Hello?”

Steve couldn’t hear what the man on the other end—Barton—said, but whatever it was, it made Bucky blanch. His cheeks going pale despite the steam rising from the bath water. Bucky shushed Steve with a look, whoever he was talking to on the phone, Bucky clearly wanted to keep things quiet.

Steve wasn’t sure if he should leave the room, give Bucky privacy for his phone call or not. It was clearly something important. He stood next to the tub, frozen with indecision.

“You found her,” Bucky said into the phone. “You found her?” His voice was full of disbelief; whomever Barton had found, Bucky was obviously surprised.

“She’s okay though, right? Tell me she’s okay!” Bucky was already standing, water dripping from his body as he stepped from the tub. He tapped Steve’s shoulder with the back of his hand, nodding towards the towel rack.

Steve handed him a towel, stepping back out of the way. Bucky snatched the towel from his hand and barreled towards the bedroom. “Don’t leave her side until I get there, promise me.”

Steve followed Bucky into the bedroom and poked his head around the corner of the doorway. Bucky had dropped his phone onto the bed and was trying to get dressed, clothes sticking non cooperatively to his still wet skin. Startled, he looked up at Steve, still struggling to pull his pants on.

“Bucky, talk to me, is everything okay?” Steve asked quietly.

Bucky sighed, running a hand through his hair. “No. Yes. I honestly don’t even know Steve, but I have to go. I… oh god. I need to miss some work, is that alright?”

Steve watched as Bucky tossed his clothes into the duffle bag. He insisted on carrying his things back and forth with him even though Steve had offered to let him keep clothes at his apartment. “Sure, anything you need, Bucky. Just… please tell me what’s going on?”

Bucky was already shoving his feet into his shoes, looking damp and disheveled. He slung his bag over his shoulder, pushing past Steve to get to the door of the apartment. “It’s my sister, Steve. I have to go. He found my sister.” Bucky shot out the door, barely looking at Steve as he left.

“Call me,” Steve shouted after him as Bucky took off down the hall towards the stairwell, not bothering to wait for the elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know if I've overlooked adding any important tags! And thanks for reading!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [lovealetterbomb](http://lovealetterbomb.tumblr.com/)


	10. Life’s A Cruel, Crushing, Son Of A Bitch

Steve stood in the doorway long after Bucky had left. Part of him hoped Bucky would turn around and come right back. Or that his phone would ring. Neither thing happened.

Eventually he closed the door and surveyed his empty apartment. Starting from the doorway, he began straightening up, picking up discarded clothing along the way. In the bedroom, he cleared the bed, cleaning up from earlier.  Taking the toys that needed to be cleaned into the bathroom, he was greeted with the sight of the still full bathtub.

The water was cold now, but even if it hadn't been, he had no desire to sit in the bath alone. While he waited for the tub to drain, he cleaned and put away everything he and Bucky had used earlier. The collar felt strange and heavy in his hands as he turned it over, debating where to put it. If felt wrong to place it back in a drawer with his restraints and other paraphernalia. Instead, he put it in the drawer of the empty nightstand on the side of the bed where Bucky usually slept. Waiting for him to come back.

Exhaustion hit Steve like a freight train. His phone still hadn't rung and there were no texts from Bucky either. Taking a quick shower, Steve fell into bed, slipping into a dreamless sleep.

He woke to the sound of his phone ringing. Groggily he reached for it, answering without even looking to see who it was.

"Hello?"

“Steve?”

Bucky’s voice sounded tinny and hesitant but Steve snapped to attention at the sound of it. “Bucky? Where are you? What's going on?”

“I'm at the airport, Steve, my flight is about to take off.”

“Flight to where?” He asked, trying to stay calm.

“Oregon. To see my sister.”

“Couldn't it have waited until morning?”

“No, I have to go _now_ ; this is the earliest flight I could get.”

Steve checked the time, it had only been 3 hours since Bucky had left. “What's going on Bucky?” There was something he was missing, there had to be a reason for Bucky’s urgent need to go see his sister right now, to have run out on him and hopped a flight.

“I don't have much time, I just wanted to let you know. I'm sorry for the way I ran out. But it's my sister. Clint found her, she's been living in Oregon and she was in a car accident.”

“Bucky, I'm so sorry. Is she Ok?”

“She's alive. She broke both legs, has a lot of other contusions. But Steve, she's been asking for me. When Clint found her, told her why he was looking for her, she said she wanted to see me.”

Steve didn’t know why this was a big deal, didn't know who Clint was or even much about Bucky’s sister at all. "Good. Go take all the time you need and make sure she's okay.”

“Steve... I...”

“What?”

“Nothing, I have to go now.”

“Call me when you land. When you can.” The line went dead, Bucky had hung up without saying goodbye. Putting his phone back on the nightstand Steve tried to get comfortable, to go back to sleep. But sleep wouldn't come easily.

* * * *

Bucky never called and Steve tried to carry on with business as usual. He’d tried calling him once, but Bucky’s phone was turned off, which made sense if he was in the hospital. He’d left a voicemail, just telling him he hoped he was alright and not to worry about work.

Walking from his office with heavy steps, Steve knocked on Natasha’s door.

“Come in,” he heard her say.

Steve stepped into the office, clearly surprising Natasha.

“Hey, Boss! What brings you here? Did you miss my face enough that you had to come see me instead of calling me?” She graced Steve with one of her dazzling smiles.

“I need you to put Barnes on a temporary leave. With pay.” He took a seat opposite her, keeping his expression neutral.

A flicker of concern passed over her face but she maintained her professional demeanor. “Alright. Can I ask the reason?”

Steve knew she wasn’t asking for any professional reason. He was the boss after all, if he approved the leave it really didn’t matter why. “It’s a family emergency,” he finally told her.

“I see,” she said, nodding. “Is he alright?”

Steve rubbed his chin, considering the question. “I hope so,” he finally said. Dropping the pretense of employer and employee, he leaned his elbows against Natasha’s desk. “I don’t know what the hell’s going on with him, Nat.”

Looking up from her computer, she furrowed her eyebrows. “What do you mean? What happened?”

Steve shook his head. “I don’t know. He got a phone call Friday night and tore out of my apartment like he was on fire. He called me a few hours later from the airport, said he was on his way to Oregon. To see his sister.”

“He has a sister? He’s never mentioned her to me.”

“Yeah, he does. I don’t think they’ve seen each other in awhile. He’s never really talked much about her, just mentioned her. I don’t even know her name.”

“Oh,” Natasha said softly. “Wow. So you have no idea how long he’ll be gone?”

“None at all. I asked him to call me, but so far…” Steve shrugged.

Natasha nodded, clearly she had no idea what to say any more than Steve did.

“I’d better get back to my office,” Steve said, rising from his chair.  “I’ll let you know when I have an idea of when he’s coming back.”

* * * *

By Wednesday, Bucky still hadn’t called and to say that Steve was worried was an understatement. He had no way of getting in touch with Bucky other than his cell phone, which Bucky wasn’t answering. He didn’t know anything about his whereabouts other than he was somewhere in Oregon. Steve was preparing to leave the office when his phone rang. Seeing Bucky’s name on the screen brought a lump to his throat.

“Bucky?” he answered, trying not to sound worried.

“Steve. I’m sorry I didn’t call you back sooner.”

He didn’t tell him it was okay, he couldn’t lie. “Are you alright? Is your sister alright?”

He could hear the sheepish tone in Bucky’s voice as he answered. “I’m fine. She’s, well not fine, two broken legs and all, but she’s awake and she was glad to see me.”

“That’s good, right? I mean that’s a good thing.”

Bucky sighed, sounding relieved. “It is a good thing, Steve. I didn’t think I’d ever find her again. I didn’t think she wanted to see me.”

“Bucky, you can tell me if it’s none of my business, but what happened? Why wouldn’t she want to see you?” The idea of someone refusing to see Bucky; sweet, sensitive Bucky, was baffling to Steve.

“It’s a long story, Steve.”

“I’ve got time,” he answered. It was true, he had nowhere to be, only his empty apartment awaited him.

“Well, she’s a lot younger than me, she was a surprise my parents never expected. I was eighteen when I enlisted, Steve, that was ten years ago. She was eight at the time and not six months after I enlisted, my parents were killed in a car accident. They were on their way to pick up Becca at school. I wanted to come home, take care of her, but she got put into foster care and you can’t just walk out of the army, you know?”

Steve knew all too well. “I wish you’d told me about this sooner, Bucky. I would have helped you find her.”

“That’s what I had my friend Clint doing, he was in my unit and he’s sort of a private detective now. I asked him to look for Becca and he only found her when she was admitted to the hospital. I thought she’d hate me, because I wasn’t there for her, because of what happened. But she didn’t. Steve, she wanted to look for me too.”

“I’m glad you found her Bucky, I wish it were under better circumstances.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“So, when do you think she’ll be well enough for you to come home?”

There was a pause, he could hear Bucky breathing, almost hear him thinking. “I’m going to fly in this weekend. Can I see you then, Steve?”

“Of course. You don’t even need to ask. What time is your flight, I can pick you up at the airport.”

“No, you don’t have to do that. It’s fine.”

“I want to, Bucky.”

“Steve, listen. When I get in, I’ll have to go to my apartment first. Then I’ll come see you. Friday evening. I’ll call you when I’m on my way to your place.”

He wouldn’t argue anymore. “Sure, fine Bucky, that sounds good.” He wanted to say a million other things, ask him a million more questions, but he had the feeling Bucky wasn’t in the mood to give answers. “I miss you,” he added.

“Me too. Steve I have to go,” Bucky said softly.

“Take care of yourself Buck. Come back safe,” he told him.

“I will,” Bucky said, hanging up the phone.

* * * *

On Friday, after work, Steve waited impatiently for word from Bucky. He had no idea what time Bucky’s flight would arrive, or how much time he would spend at his apartment before coming to see him. It was nearly nine when his phone rang.

“Steve, it’s me,” Bucky said, without waiting for him to properly answer.

“Yeah, Bucky,” he answered. He hadn’t realized how much he missed Bucky’s voice.

“I’ll be there in five minutes,” Bucky said.

Steve couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face knowing he’d see Bucky soon. “OK, I’ll be waiting.”

“Bye,” Bucky said, abruptly disconnecting the call.

When he arrived five minutes later, Steve couldn’t help but think Bucky was nervous. He paced the kitchen like a cat, refusing to sit down even though Steve had asked him at least three times.

“Steve,” Bucky said, stopping the circuit he was making around the table. “We need to talk,” Bucky said, his voice thick with emotion.

“Okay Bucky, we can talk. Would you please sit down though?”

Bucky reluctantly took a seat at the kitchen table, opposite Steve. “I never thought I’d find my sister again, Steve.”

“Right, well I’m glad you did,” Steve said, still not understanding what they needed to talk about.

“That’s right I did. And now I can’t lose her again.”

Steve nodded, that was an understandable reaction.

“She’s gonna need a lot of help, when she’s finally out of the hospital,” Bucky said, looking down at his hands, drawing circles on the tabletop. “I told her I’d move out there and stay with her, Steve. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”

Steve blinked. Bucky’s words slowly seeped into his brain. “Just for a few weeks until she’s back on her feet?” he asked.

Bucky shook his head slowly, still looking down. “No, permanently,” he said quietly.

Steve’s heart dropped. He tried to stop himself from demanding answers, tried to stop his hands from shaking. “Isn’t that a little drastic,” he finally said, fighting to keep his voice under control.

“She needs me, Steve.”

“I need you Bucky,” he said. It was stupid and irrational, but it was the truth. “We can bring her here, get her the best therapists the city has to offer. She’ll be mended and back on her feet in no time. Bring her here, I can make sure she has anything she needs, I can help you.”

“Steve. I love you, but  I can’t. I can’t accept that offer. You don’t understand. She thought I didn’t want her in  my life, she thought I abandoned her on purpose. Now it’s my turn to give up my life, my familiar things and be there for her.”

Steve tried to keep the note of panic from rising in his voice. “I wish you had asked me for help finding her, I could have found her.”

“ It doesn’t now matter, Steve, she has a life out there, she’s in college, she’s got good things going for her. She’s got a whole life out there. I can’t ask her to pack up and move across the country. That’s why I came back, Steve,” he said finally looking up. “I came back to pack up my apartment and to talk to you.”

“But what about you, Bucky, what about your life. Why do you have to pack up and move across the country? You’ve got good things going for you.”

“No, Steve, I’ve got you. You’re my one good thing. She’s letting me be a part of her life, letting me in, I have to do this, be there for her.”

Bucky stood, came around the table to Steve and kissed him, both of them knowing it might be their last time, was probably the last time. Steve kissed him back, kissed him as if Bucky’s lips were air and he couldn’t breathe. It didn’t help, he still felt short of breath and there was a crushing feeling in his chest that he was pretty sure was his heart breaking.

“But you love me. I love you,” Steve said as Bucky broke the kiss.

“I do Steve. I do, but whatever we have… whatever it is, it doesn’t change anything. I have to do this. She’s my family, Steve. She needs me.” Bucky sounded as if he were going to cry, as if he had been crying before.

Steve let Bucky’s words wash over him. Bucky was leaving him. Not just leaving him, leaving the state. “I need you too Bucky.” James, he should start thinking of him as James now, again. Bucky was too personal, too intimate. “Please, let me help. I can pay to have her moved here, I’ll even help you find a place she can live with you once she’s recovered. You don’t need to give up your life here,” he tried once again to convince Bucky that his sister could be happy here, could adjust to living here.

“Steve, you don’t understand. I’m not giving up my life here, I’m going back to my life with her.”

“So why can’t we bring her here then? It _doesn’t matter_ how much it costs.”

“Steve, even if it were a viable option, and it’s not, you’re too generous, I don’t deserve that. I never even deserved you.”

Steve stood now, standing face to face with Bucky. With James. “That’s not true, it’s not true at all. If anything, I didn’t… don’t deserve you.”

Bucky tried to drop his head again, but Steve reached out, grasping Bucky’s chin in his hands, holding his head steady. He couldn’t stop thinking of him as Bucky, not after all this time. It wasn’t like flipping a switch. Bucky didn’t answer, didn’t say anything, didn’t try to move away. They just stared at each other for a time.

 “This doesn’t have to be goodbye, you know.”

“It does, Steve, how else would it work?” Bucky asked flatly.

“We can make it work, a long distance relationship. I can come up to Oregon when I make my trips out to California. We could—”

“Steve,” Bucky shook his head. “I can’t do that to you. I won’t. You need, we both need, something more than phone calls and video chats and the occasional visit every few months.”

Steve knew he was right, knew it wouldn’t do any good to press the issue. “When are you leaving again?” he asked.

“Tomorrow afternoon. I’m having my things shipped. I packed it this afternoon, not that I had much to pack anyway.”

“So your apartment is all packed up,” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“Will you stay? Stay the night I mean?” Steve asked, feeling foolish for prolonging their final goodbye.

Bucky looked up at him, his blue-gray eyes meeting Steve’s wide blue gaze. “I… I shouldn’t. But I want to.”

Steve nodded. They had a few more hours together. He had a few more hours before Bucky was gone, presumably forever. He knew it would only make things harder, knew it would be stupid to even ask, but he couldn’t help himself. And he did ask, it wasn’t an order. He could have made it one, could have ordered Bucky to stay, but he wouldn’t. He couldn’t do that to him, or himself.

So he did ask, giving Bucky the opportunity to say no, even though he hoped he would say yes. "One last time, for old time's sake?"

 He tried to keep the hopefulness out of his voice. He didn’t want Bucky to say yes just because he felt guilty about leaving him. Even if Bucky said no, Steve would still have one more night of Bucky sleeping in his bed.

"You know I'm not going to change my mind." Bucky said slowly.

Steve nodded solemnly. "I'm not asking you too. I'm only asking for one last hurrah. What do you say?"

Bucky licked his lips.  That old, familiar grin curled across his face, giving Steve a flutter of emotions. "Yes, sir," he said kneeling before Steve. “One last time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know if I've overlooked adding any important tags! 
> 
> This is it darlings, the final chapter of Lessons Learned. It's been an interesting journey and one I'm glad you all joined me for. Thank you so much to everyone who has read and commented and come to talk to me because of this!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [lovealetterbomb](http://lovealetterbomb.tumblr.com/)


	11. Epilogue - This Wrinkle In Time, I Can’t Give It No Credit

The first few weeks, which should have been the hardest, the loneliest, weren’t. After leaving his life in Brooklyn, leaving his job, leaving _Steve_ , Bucky didn’t have much time to mourn his losses.

His days were spent with Becca, nights too. Helping her, reconnecting with her.  First in the hospital, then through her time in physical therapy. They grew closer slowly, the same way she readjusted to learning to walk again after her legs had healed. There was so much lost time between them, so much to make up for.

It wasn’t until many months later, when Becca didn’t need him twenty-four hours a day, when she was able to start resuming all her normal activities: her classes, her job, when more months had passed apart than they had spent together that Bucky started missing Steve.

No, that wasn’t entirely true. He had missed Steve from the moment he’d said his final goodbye, but now, in the calm after the storm, he allowed himself to feel that loss.

Countless times he picked up his phone, to text Steve or to call him. But he never did. He had made it clear that it was unfair to both of them to string each other along. It was his decision and he had to stick with it.

He found them a place, himself and Becca, a first floor apartment so Becca wouldn’t have to struggle with the stairs. It was the first time in a long time that he had lived with anyone. Not counting his time in the Army, the last time he had lived with anyone was when he’d lived at home, with Becca and their parents.

But he had come close with Steve. Because of Steve, he had done a lot of things he never thought he would. Because of Steve, he felt capable enough to help Becca.

* * * *

The first summer after her accident, he had found Becca crying in the bathroom. The door was locked and she refused to come out, so he’d sat outside the door, waiting patiently until she opened the door.

“What’s wrong,” he asked. He wasn’t used to living with someone period, much less someone who cried and got emotional over things the way Becca did.

“I can’t wear shorts. My scars are too ugly,” she said, still sobbing.

He would have laughed, but it wasn’t funny. He knew all too well how being scarred could make a person feel. But what he could do was share his scars with her.

Becca sat, slumped over the edge of the bathtub, arms wrapped around her legs, but when Bucky stood, and started pulled his shirt over his head, she sat up straighter.

“What are you doing,” she asked, a look of confusion crossing her face.

As he pulled the shirt off completely, he heard a soft gasp from Becca. She was seeing his scars for the first time.

“I’ve got scars too, Becca. I used to hate them, be ashamed of them, but they’re a part of me. I can’t change that.” He hadn’t talked openly about his scars with anyone before, not before Steve. “They mean you survived,” he continued. “They might not be the prettiest things, but consider the alternative.”

Becca stood, stepping closer. She reached out a hand, tentatively. “May I?”

Bucky nodded.

Her fingers traced over his scars. Scars much older than hers, not as precise and surgically straight, his were rough, the edges thick and uneven. He couldn’t help but remember Steve’s touch, Steve’s hands on his scars.

“Did I hurt you?” Becca asked, pulling her hand away.

“No,” Bucky said, “Why?”

“Because you’re crying.”

* * * *

Not that he was keeping track, but it was nearly five years to the _exact day_ he said goodbye to Steve Rogers, that Bucky saw him again. It would have been easy to keep tabs on Steve, he was often in the news, or rather Star-Spangled Security was, but Bucky had enough sense to not do that to himself.

So it came as something of a shock when he was getting his morning coffee and he saw Steve standing in the line in front of him. Bucky’s heart caught in his throat, because there was no mistaking the man standing two people ahead of him. Steve’s physique was unmistakable. Hearing Steve’s voice erased any lingering uncertainty. How funny that his words were so mundane, just ordering a coffee, the same order, his taste in coffee hadn’t changed. Bucky’s mind whirled, so many thoughts flying around. Should he say hello? What other tastes of Steve were the same? Why was Steve in Portland?

None of those thoughts mattered, nothing mattered because when Steve turned from the counter, drink in hand, his eyes landed on Bucky. And the second their eyes met, the last five years seemed to dissolve. To Bucky it was the day they said goodbye all over again.

If he had been able to focus past Steve’s face, past the intensity of Steve’s eyes, he would have seen Steve’s hand trembling around his drink. Would have been able to see the quiver in Steve’s lip. But all Bucky could take in was the fact that Steve was right there, only a few feet away from him.

Forgetting all about his need for caffeine, Bucky stepped out of line. “Steve,” he said, his voice rusty with emotion.

“Bu— James.” Steve’s voice sounded familiar and foreign to his ears at the same time. His slip-up was clear, Steve had almost, by instinct, called him Bucky.

“Steve,” he repeated. “You’re here. In Oregon. In Portland.”

Steve nodded, his hand clutching his drink tighter. “I am. You didn’t know?”

Feeling confused, wondering if he was having an elaborate dream, Bucky motioned for Steve to join him at one of the small tables in the corner of the coffee shop.

Bucky’s reason for moving their conversation to a table was two-fold. He wanted to sit down and talk to Steve, yes, but he also just wanted to sit down. His knees threatened to collapse and he was fighting not to shake by the time they reached an empty table.

“So you don’t know why I’m here?” Steve questioned him, absentmindedly playing with the lid on his cup of coffee. Coffee with three sugars, no cream. Bucky had remembered it, would have known even if he hadn’t overheard Steve place the order.

“No,” he managed to say. “Why are you here?” Clearly, Steve wasn’t here because of him, he hadn’t ever told Steve _where_ in Oregon he was going when he left, and he’d only been in Portland for the last six months anyway.

A smile slipped across Steve’s face. “Going to open a second office. I’ve got a lot of interested clients here on the West Coast, and it just makes sense to have a second office out here.”

“Right, sure,” Bucky murmured politely. But why Oregon, why not California. He remembered all too well Steve’s frequent trips to LA.

The conversation, finding out Steve, his company would have a presence in Portland, should have come as a shock.

But it didn’t.

As they sat there, Steve talking business, Bucky felt a sense of ‘meant to be’. Which was ridiculous, but he couldn’t seem to shake it.

He realized he’d been staring, watching Steve’s lips as he talked, but not listening to his words when Steve asked him a question.

“Sorry, what?”

“I asked if you were still working in PR,” Steve repeated his question.

Bucky nodded affirmatively. “Yeah, kinda. I’m at a company out here, very corporate. Lots of departments and titles. Basically I’m an assistant to the head of the PR department.”

“Do you like it? Like working there?” Steve asked conversationally.

Bucky shrugged. “It’s a job.”

“Do you want a new one?”

“Huh?” Had he lost the thread of the conversation again?

“I’m going to have to hire a whole new office staff for out here… Any chance you might be interested?”

“In my old position? I mean, my old job?” Somehow the word position didn’t seem appropriate given their history.

“Well, no. What would you say to being the head of my PR department out here?”

“You think that’s a good idea? Us working together again?” Bucky asked before he realized he had no idea whether Steve would actually be working in Portland more than the occasional visit.

“Hmm, well I’d like a familiar face around the office and I know you’re capable.” Steve said as a small smile crossed his face.

He hadn’t said he wouldn’t be working in Portland now.

“I have to think about it.” Boy, did he. “Is there a time limit on this offer?”

“I’m here for another week, overseeing the start of remodeling before I fly back. Then I’ll be back out here in three weeks to get the office set up.”

“Okay. So I have a week?” Bucky nodded to himself, already weighing his options. Star-Spangled Security was a good company, solid. He knew the job, knew he was good at it. The benefits were better, even without dating Steve, but… Steve. How would that work, seeing him somewhat frequently after all this time?

“I’m sorry, I really have to go.” Steve’s words interrupted his thoughts. “I’m meeting with the contractor today, we’re going over the plans for the remodel on the building I bought, for the offices.”

Bucky glanced at his watch. “Shit, me too. I mean I have to get to work, you know. Duty calls.” He hopped out of his seat, having forgotten his unordered coffee.

Steve’s voice stopped him. “You’ll let me know? How about we have dinner on Friday night? Even if you say no, we can catch up?”

There was a note of hop in Steve’s voice, even though his expression was neutral.

“Yeah. I’d like that,” Bucky answered honestly. “I know a place, you want me to make reservations and I can text you the address so we can meet there?” He hadn’t even asked if Steve’s number was still the same.

“You have my number? Or do you need it?”

“Same one?” Bucky asked, feeling suddenly nervous.

“Yeah, same one,” Steve said with a smile.

“I’ll text you later then, with the details.”

“Okay, sounds like a plan,” Steve said. Despite being the one to mention needing to leave, Steve made no move to get up.  He simply sat there, untouched coffee in hand while Bucky rushed out the door of the coffee shop.

All morning at work, Bucky was distracted. He wondered how and what to text Steve.

In the end he texted him with the most straight forward thing he could.

Bucky: _7:00pm, Friday at The Blue Mill – 354 E. Callender Ave. I made the reservations under my name._

He had a near immediate reply from Steve.

Steve: _I’ll be there. I’m looking forward to it._

* * * *

On Friday evening, nerves took over as he arrived at the restaurant.  Was this is a business meeting?  Two old friends catching up?  A date? 

Bucky hadn’t been on many dates in the last five years.  He wasn’t a monk, but he hadn’t had any drunken one night stands.  No serious relationship either though.  He’d dated a few people but never gotten serious.  He’d also never looked for another Dom. There had only been Steve.

Over dinner, Steve ordered a drink, but Bucky didn’t. Being around Steve was intoxicating enough, he didn’t need to risk adding alcohol to the mix.

“I hope I’m not ruining your Friday night?  I never asked if you had plans. Did you have plans?” Steve asked while they waited for the food to arrive.

His question was open ended, Bucky realized. Steve hadn’t specifically asked about him dating anyone or about Becca, just asked if he had plans. “No, no plans.  Becca’s dating a really nice guy, so she’s gone most weekends. I usually just hang around the apartment by myself.”

He wanted to tell Steve he was single, hadn't been on a date in months, hadn't been serious about anyone since Steve, but he decided against it.

While they ate, Steve talked.  “So, tell me about Becca, how is she?”

“God, Steve, she’s wonderful.  She was lucky that accident didn’t kill her, you know?  And she recovered so fast.  The doctor said it was because she was so young and healthy. She was lucky,” Bucky gushed, repeating himself.

“She was lucky to have you.”

Bucky stopped, fork midway to his mouth and blinked.  “Nah.”

“Yes, she was.  She is. You’re a great brother.  I hope she knows that, appreciates you.”

“She did.  She does.  I think she’s outgrowing me though. She’s gonna graduate soon, she’s got an awesome boyfriend. I guess I already told you that. But I’ll always be close to her, you know?  Even if we’re not close in distance.”

Steve nodded, cleared his throat.

“So what about you, what keeps you busy these days beside work?” Bucky asked.

Steve’s mouth screwed up into a wry smile. “Not much, just a lot of long hours at the office.”

Bucky knew it wasn’t any of his business, but he asked anyway. “You seeing anyone?” He hoped he sounded casual, but really he was dying to know.

“I’m not now. I mean, no.” Steve picked up his glass and then set it back down. “Bucky, there hasn’t been anyone in my life since you.”

It was Bucky’s turn to look surprised. “You…what?”

“I haven’t dated anyone since you. I haven’t _been_ with anyone since the night you left.”

Bucky lowered his voice, “You mean… not even any Dom/Sub stuff?”

Steve shook his head, his expression serious.

Silence followed as Bucky processed this information.

“Sorry,” Steve apologized. “I guess I dropped a bomb on you.”

Bucky wanted to laugh, but he didn’t. It wasn’t funny. “Yeah, well kinda. I mean, before… everyone thought Steve Rogers never dated anyone anyway. Then there was us.”

“Yeah, us,” Steve echoed. “Bucky, you broke my heart when you left.”

“It broke my heart too,” Bucky said, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. He would never master Steve’s stoic way of speaking, the way his voice stayed even, never broke.

Steve looked at him, swallowing audibly.

“Hey, listen. Do you want to maybe get out of here?” Bucky tried for nonchalance, but he was pretty sure he didn’t succeed.

“Sure. What did you have in mind?” Steve asked. His smile looked forced and Bucky knew he thought he was changing the subject.

“Want to come back to my place? Just to talk?”

“I’d like that. I’d like to see where you’re living Bucky,” Steve said, flagging down the waitress so they could pay the check.

Neither one noticed that Steve had slipped back into calling him Bucky. Neither cared.

Since Steve had taken a cab to the restaurant, Bucky drove them to the apartment he shared with Becca. When they stepped inside, Bucky turned on the lights while Steve looked around. Bucky knew he was comparing it to the apartment he’d had back in New York.

“Most of it is Becca’s work, but I like it,” Bucky said, shrugging. He did like it, the dark gray walls, the red couch, the black and red accents. It was all Becca’s work and he had no idea how she had pulled it off, but he was glad she had.

“I do too,” Steve said, wandering around the living room. “I’ve never seen pictures of you before,” he added as he stopped in front of the wall full of family photographs.

They both stood, looking at pictures of Bucky and Becca, of them with their parents. “Well, I didn’t like the reminder of what I didn’t have. Of what I’d lost,” Bucky said quietly.

“Understandable,” Steve said, a smile ghosting across his lips.

“You know, what I said earlier? It did break my heart,” Bucky said, stepping up beside Steve.

“Bucky, don’t. Let’s not play ‘who hurt more.’ I don’t need that. You don’t either.”

“Steve, stop. I made a decision then and I needed to be here for my sister. She needed me. She doesn’t anymore. Not like that, not like she did.”

Steve turned to face him, watching solemnly.

Bucky continued, “I loved you, Steve. Truth is, I still do. I never stopped. But it’s not fair of me to tell you that. I don’t have the right.”

“Bucky, we both did a lot of stupid things. I’ll take my share of the blame, but of all the ways I was afraid I might lose you, I never imagined it would be like that,” Steve said quietly, fixing his intense blue eyes on Bucky. “I loved you too. I understand why you did what you did, but that doesn’t mean I was happy about it.”

“I never _wanted_ to leave you—”

“But you did,” Steve interrupted him.

“And now here we are,” Bucky said.

“Yeah, here we are,” Steve breathed out, stepping closer. “Bucky, I’d like to kiss you now. Is that alright?”

Bucky swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. “You don’t have to ask, Steve. You wouldn’t even have to order me. All you’d have to do is kiss me.”

Steve licked his lips, gently grasping Bucky’s face in his hands, pulling him closer, whispering against his lips, “Like this?”

Bucky kissed him then. Slowly, a sense of familiarity washing over him as their lips met. After a moment, they broke apart. He’d compared every kiss he’d had in the past five years to Steve’s. None of them had ever measure up.

Steve’s hands dropped to his sides. “Bucky,” he said softly, sadly, “What are we doing?”

Bucky gave Steve a half smile, one side of his mouth turning up. “We’re doing whatever we want. I’m here to stay, my life is here now. You tell me, how often are you going to be here? Because I told you before, long distance isn’t fair to either of us.”

A smile played across Steve’s lips. A genuine smile. “I’m moving out here, Bucky. Sam is going to run the office back in New York without me. I need to be here to start this office up. I’ve always loved the West Coast.”

“So, noting to do with knowing I was here?” Bucky asked, half joking.

“Bucky, I had no idea where in Oregon you were. Or if you were even still here.”

“Well, I am.”

“You are, and now, so am I. Or I will be.”

“So now what?”

“Now,” Steve said, “We take things slow. Hopefully we avoid all the mistakes we made before. We figure things out. Figure out what we want.”

“That makes sense.”

Steve nodded. “I learned my lesson before.”

Bucky smiled, teeth tucking into his bottom lip.

“You know I’m yours, Bucky. I always will be. All you had to do was say the word. The whole time we were together… you were really the one in control of me.”

Bucky could have said a million things, argued or wondered why. But he didn’t. It was like the last five years, the way they’d said goodbye had never happened. “I’m saying the word, Steve.”

“What word is that?”

 “Stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at [lovealetterbomb](http://lovealetterbomb.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> So, if you've read the tags and seen the video, you can guess which direction this is heading. I'm not in any kind of BDSM relationship myself, but I've really tried to do my research. 
> 
> This chapter is mostly unbeta'd so any mistakes are my own and I reserve the right to come back & fix them later :)
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [lovealetterbomb](http://lovealetterbomb.tumblr.com/)


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